Beyond Her Love

| • nineteen • |

BACK TO REALITY 
(ON CALL) 

I jerked myself up and then I acknowledged that she hung up. I received a beep sound from my phone, a message from her that she couldn't hear my voice and hung up wondering if there was any error on. 

How'd this fool even hear me  if I don't speak, chuckles made their way into my mouth and I texted her back

'Yea, there was some internet error and please do the favour that I had asked you,' I am pretty sure that Stella and Emma is not in any contact for past years as Stella's fiancé ordered her  not to have any contact with any of her friends. He is such a restricting man----seriously? Why? Isn't it Stephan Jones?

I know you're muddling with these questions. I'll let you know when I got to re-visualize my past again, since drifting back for me is absolutely out of the question. 

But Stella never stops finding ways to reach Emma. I had my own predictions that in some way she would have got my girl's num.

On the other hand, I can bet my life that luck never favours me so I decided to call Emma's old number if at any chance she might pick up and I could hear her husky voice instead of that shitty caller tune. 

It was 9 pm by that time, so I was waiting for her message since 7pm. Waiting.. Waiting.. Waiting. Eventually the waiting took over due to frustration which I knew it is a common routine. So it is not that big of a deal.

So, I put on the television to just distract my more frustrated mind. But the television frustrated me even more than my frustration. To be honest, my frustration was very bearable. I couldn't possibly find anywhere to my destinated eyesight.

'Where the hell is the remote?' I'm so used to yell. Finally I became a bit loathful and flumped back to my bed. 

*ALARM BUZZED*

Okay, this time my senseless alarm took the position of the sun. I instantly hit the alarm with a slothful hand of my right onto the alarm with my head beneath the pillow, and my body onto the blanket. Oh, I just had a nap. But it's 10 pm now. I slept for an hour? I mumbled within me while questioning a question. 

*BRIGHTNESS PENETRATED THROUGH WINDOWS*

I zoomed my eyes towards the windows. How would the sun persist the day without even annoying me! Shit is it a 10 pm or am? I touched my phone screen.

'Seriously? Are you kidding me? I dozed off for 13 hours without supper. That's impossible,' I exclaimed. Shitty James, why don't you remember you haven't got her number rather than the useless supper? I sighed with no sense. 

'I have been waiting for hours to get her number from Stella and she didn't give a damn. That's unfair. It would be odd if I demanded her number from Stella constantly. Now what am I going to do? Why does every attempt leave me with a question?' I was  gabling within me until I realized the bitter fact that luck refuses to favour me right?

Hey James stop being so dumb! What about today's classes, get your butt off to college. 

'Oh shit, well I never wanna go. No high consequences are out there if I skip just a day, right?' I consoled my own mind with my own words. As usual I carried on----nothing particular. 
 
All I managed to do for the next few days was to be quarantined in my home along with anxiety. But Lucas made his attempts in reaching me out while I gave a patent declination.

Ugh, I know, he just calls to inform about his sis b'day.  But why does he say it so often that it just irritates me!

I bawled despite knowing that we used to call each other more frequently--- habit of us. I used to resist all of it. I don't wish to converse with anyone. I was utterly down. All my attempts precisely managed to fail. I was so dumb to pursue my next attempts. 

Why don't you try calling her, James? My mind insisted. As if I didn't ever tried calling her for past months. It was all utter waste. She didn't give a damn to pick up.

I thought of and a drop of tear from my left eye tended to course down my cheek. Besides the fact it is impossible to hear her voice from the other side of the phone. I tried calling her. 

*PHONE DIALING*

'The person you have called has switched off. Please try again later' This is what I hear everytime from the other side beyond what I anticipated. It's not unusual, don't let yourself down. I just made myself high rather than be drowned into a dreadful time. Why doesn't nothing on this earth like us to reunite?  

But still a lot of quizzes happened to hold my mind. I was up to no good. Everything looks dreadful around me. I was afraid whether these grim feelings and thoughts of mine would persist. I know, we have been in a three years relationship---2016, 2017, 2018. Phew, don't get me wrong though she confessed her feelings in 2017 I loved her since 2016. So it can even be named as a one-sided relationship. 

We hardly do any fights and even any sort of misunderstandings appear. We shared umpteen loves within us and the only thing that possessed us was the only argument which caused our life fall into a pit. Little did I ever know, the only argument which we had on 26 Dec 2018 consisted of causing a lifetime of separation. And, now it's 30 Nov 2019. I just spent almost a year in just by contemplating about her and lived with her presence. Somehow I managed to waste the time instead of getting her number and contacting her. 

So good, James!

'Shut the hell up,' I declared. 

*PHONE BUZZED*

Lucas : Hey, don't you dare get me mad. Okay? Come over to my home the day after tomorrow dude, you know right?

Text received from Lucas appeared on my phone. Oh, the hell, I'm sure he decided to get on my nerves.  

Lucas : By the way, why the hell didn't you pick the call up, bruh?

He added abruptly, Amidst his text, I profoundly seized into the question.

Now which path should my life pursue? Should I move on to get over her or should I let my only life to move to keep lingering just where she left me?

A/N : Thank you!