Ahsoka One Shots

Changed

Henlo

Request from CourtesyTrefflin

Enjoy :)

War changed everyone.

Of course it would, war is brutal, war is death, war is trauma.

But it wasn't supposed to make kids into soldiers. Battle toughened, scarred, traumatized soldiers.

Ahsoka didn't think it would bother her, I mean come on, it was just a game of hide and seek with some of the younglings. But the moment she closed the closet door her breath hitched. She cold practically smell the pungent scent of metal and dirt, and nothing was as it was supposed to be. Get out, her brain screamed. Get out, get out, get out,

"Found you!" She heard a little girl's voice yell. She giggled, running away from the now open door. Out of instinct, or some still functioning part of her brain, Ahsoka crawled into the light of day while still gasping for breath that she could easily attain (however difficult it felt). She sat on the ground for what could have been minutes or hours, just trying to convince herself that she didn't have to get out, there was nothing to escape from, and that she was in fact still at the temple. She wasn't under a droid factory.

Ahsoka tried to forget it. Nothing happened, she told herself. It was just a freak out. It won't happen again.

Oh how wrong she was.

It didn't happen again for a few weeks. She subconsciously avoided small spaces (even if she'd promised herself it wouldn't happen again, the concern was still there) and everything was fine. That was, until she was back on the resolute.

The clone bunks were small. It'd never bothered her before, but now, standing in front of the barracks bunks, she suddenly realized that it wasn't nothing, because "nothing" wouldn't feel like rancor on her chest. Ahsoka stood shyly in front of her bed for far longer than normal, debating. Her jaw became tight and the weight on her chest got heavier every second she didn't move away. "Commander?" Someone from behind her asked. She didn't move. "Commander, is everything okay?"

The voice only registered enough for her to know that she needed to move in the opposite direction. Her head turned first so that she was able to identify her Captain on the other side of her. "Ya, everything's fine. I'm going to the mess," She decided hastily. It was better than here, after all.

Rex watched her walk away. It wasn't like her, brushing him off like that. Usually she'd jump at the chance to explain some force thing he didn't understand, or talk about a recent battle with her master, any time spent with her men (including Rex himself) off the battlefield was time cherished. He needed to know what was wrong, and now. "I'll join," He called after her. "Haven't eaten yet."

Ahsoka paused. It'd be fine, right? The freak out was over? Rex could join her and everything would be fine. "Sounds good."

The two walked in silence until they reached the 'fectory. She knew it'd probably be a sign something was wrong, Rex was perceptive, but she couldn't make herself speak right now. Maybe by the time they got their food.

The mess was surprisingly busy, she noted when they walked in. Oh. A platoon had just returned from an off world mission, and all fifty of them needed food right that instant, it seemed. It was fine, she could do this, nothing would happen. People were fine, people weren't entire droid factories piled on top of her.

Well, maybe they weren't, but when a squad of burly men were squished up against you it sure felt like it. Ahsoka was jostled around only a few steps into the room, too many people and not enough space. In an instant she was curled in on herself, doing the best she could not to collapse. You're fine, it's fine, you're in the mess, everything's fine. She faintly heard Rex's voice among the chaos. Loud, but gentle to her montrals. Then a hand grabbing her, she was pulled out from the waves of white and blue, and was now back in the empty, silent, halls.

"Ahsoka," He said, probably for the second or third time, she didn't know. You're fine, you're safe, you're not there, she thought, to try and ease the impending doom settling on her shoulders. "Ahsoka listen to me," He spoke again. This time she listened and tipped her head up slightly.

His hands were still on her arms, she noticed. "I've got you, you're safe," He coaxed. She only nodded, a relief to Rex who was worried that she hadn't responded. It's funny, how when so many people touching her at once could throw her into panic, Rex's gentle grip on her arms brought her back.

She breathed deeply (or as deeply as she could) and looked Rex in the face. His worry was evident in his features. She didn't need the force to know he was scared for her. "I'm sorry, I'm okay now," She tried to convince him. "It's fine."

"It's not fine. Take a breath, you look pale." If Togruta can be pale, he thought. Lekku are an indicator of a Togruta's health, he remembered Kix telling him. They change shades with their health and emotions. Darker means they're either embarrassed of feverish, and paler is usually panicked or nauseous.

"Believe me, I'm trying," She deadpanned. At least the conversation was grounding, the world felt a little bit lighter. "I'll be fine, I just need to... I need to not be here."

"Where do you need to go?" He asked tentatively. 

Ahsoka thought for a moment. Wide open, hopefully empty, there weren't many places on a ship that were empty. "Hanger bay?" She said carefully, deciding that if it wasn't empty, it'd at least be large. Rex was confused by this request to say the least, but complied, leading her down the hallways.

"Why the hanger?"

"It's large. Open." He seemed to understand, nodding solemnly as they walked. In a few moments they came to the hanger bay, where she was grateful to find that only a few members of the maintenance crew still lingered. Ahsoka settled against her fighter which stayed towards the front. She might have to paint it again- it needed a new coat. She was about to debate what colors to try when Rex interrupted.

"What happened back there? Why did the closed space make you panic?"

She sighed, opting to sit on the ground. Rex joined her a moment later. "I think it was the droid factory, on Geonosis. I just got claustrophobic I guess." She stopped to let the information sink in. If anything, she was telling herself as much as she was Rex. She'd been avoiding it, after all. "That's why I was standing at my bunk. I haven't slept in the clone bunks on the Resolute since then, and I just realized how... Tiny they are. I might want to actually sleep in my quarters for once," She joked. If the small smile that made it's way onto Rex's face meant anything, it worked.

"I know a lot of men who've had the same thing happen."

She perked up at that. "Really?" He nodded. answering with a hum. "Does it... Does it stop? Will it stop making me panic?"

Rex sighed as he looked upon her. He looked so weary, so tired of seeing the same traumas affect his soldiers. "Not usually. It'll get better though, with time," He said. He couldn't be sure. Not many people really got over things like that, but if anyone could, it was his Commander.

Ahsoka nodded gratefully. "I hope so. It'd be a shame to have to sleep in my own quarters all the time." Rex couldn't help but smile. Of course she'd make this into a joke.

Might to a part two with the other half of CourtesyTrefflin's request. For now, Here's this.

Hope you eat your favorite snack and you're proud of what you accomplished today.

                                                                                                                      -AB