Ahsoka One Shots

The World Got A Little More Dim Tonight (Citadel Aftermath)

Here's some good ol' angst.

(Also this song is romantic but the vibes were what I was going for so I kept it. This isn't romantic lol)

Enjoy :)

The world got a little more dim that night.

Night, day, she wasn't sure. All she remembered was the blazing heat and regret seeping through her bones. 

Echo shouldn't have died.

There's nothing you could have done, Said a soft voice. Others survived. You, survived. But just her surviving wasn't enough. Echo should have survived. She could still hear Fives' screaming, if she listened hard enough. 

She hadn't even been able to check up on Fives after they got back. She wasn't able to occupy his friend's bunk that night so he wouldn't feel so lonely, she wasn't able to hug him and tell him he'd survive; she couldn't loose him like she'd lost Echo, but she was so exhausted.

Physically, yes, but she felt like the world was crumbling around her. Like Fives' screams would never leave her. The light that used to be there was suddenly so blaringly absent, and it took everything in her not to break down every second on the transport back.

Calm down, you'll survive, she told herself. She needed to be able to breathe again or she'd never get any sleep, and then she'd have to tell her master why she was falling asleep at breakfast. But she couldn't, she couldn't breathe any more than she could when she was running for her life on Lola Sayu. Like there was smoke blocking her airway, or the force was wrapped tightly around her throat.

The blinds were open, as well as the window. She had hope the fresh air might ease her lungs of the pressure, or release the heat permanently soaked into her skin. It did neither. Her arms were wrapped around her body as she practically tore through her skin. An unfortunate habit, trying to rid herself of that physical feeling of nastiness after such tragedies as this, something her master was recently becoming concerned. Seeing her ripped, bleeding skin tomorrow morning wouldn't help her cause.

If she reached out far enough, she could almost feel Echo's presence. She felt like a child again, reaching blindly for the stars, too far away to brush her fingertips over them. But nothing she did would bring his empty presence back. Now he really was just an echo. A presence she shouldn't be so attached to, even though she was gripping onto his memory for dear life.

She didn't know how many hours she lay there- numb and burning all at the same time. Tears kept falling down her cheeks but she couldn't make herself really cry. If she could just sob, she'd be okay, she needed the emotion to run it's course so she could be okay again. This was war, she couldn't stop to grieve the life of every soldier she lost.

But why Echo, something whispered. Why him?

Light seeped through the shades. She rose, sore and burning. Arms covered in torn skin- ripped apart until it was raw. She didn't change out of her dirty clothes last night, and she didn't this morning. Surely, people questioned it in the mess, her master included.

He could tell her shields were too high and she was hiding the pain, but he said nothing. She had to grieve and he couldn't help her with that.

Master Plo gave her concerned glances in the halls when she passed through. The younglings stared at the disheveled state of her clothing. 

Even Master Windu gave her a look, asking if she was alright.

She passed along with a nod and what hint of a fake smile she could make.

She moved on with her day, numb and lifeless. It'd be okay. She'd wake up tomorrow and force herself to forget it all, forget the pain, forget Echo, and forget the mistakes. She had a war to fight, and that was more important.

Ahsoka Tano was a soldier, after all.

So that was awful. Sorry peeps, I was feeling the angst.

Maybe I'll do a second version with a more hurt/comfort theme haha

Have a good night/day/whatever and I'll see you when I see you :)

                                                                                                          -AB