FLIGHTLESS (LOKI LAUFEYSON FANFIC)

LOKI'S JOURNAL (4)

Entry No. 4

It's been a few days since Thor had started hanging out with Ella and I. I've noticed they've gotten quite close and it somehow agitates me. There was going to be a ball tonight and I was preparing.

Thor came in and said, "Brother, I need your help."

"What for?" I asked without looking away from the mirror.

"You know Lady Ella, what does she want?" he sat down on my bed and I turned to face him.

"How is this relevant to you asking for my help?"

"I haven't told anyone, not even Lady Ella herself but... I like her. She's different from most Asgardian women." he confessed which caught me off guard. I mean, Ella was a great gal and it shouldn't come as a shock to me that someone would fall for her but I didn't know why that actually hurt and bothered me now.

"I'm not an expert at courtship, brother. I suggest you ask someone with more experience." I simply answered which he did take seriously so he left.

Confused about what I was feeling, I went to Mother. I found her in her room, reading. She was already dressed so she clearly had some time to spare.

"Loki, what brings you here?" she asked, putting down the book and tapping the space beside her so I could sit with her which I did.

"Something's been bothering me, mother." I confessed to which she replied, "My sons are in love, what a pleasant sight."

"What? No. I haven't even told you anything." I replied defensively.

"I know that look. Do you know how to tell if someone's in love?" she asked which made me curious. Love is a foreign feeling to me, if not a feeling that I've only experienced from one person and that is the woman talking to me right now.

"How can you tell?"

"When you're in love with someone, there is absolutely nothing you can think of in all of the nine realms that you wouldn't do for that person. And deep down you know that person matters more than you matter to yourself. You think about that person in both your highs and lows. You feel every bit of emotion they feel. You're happy when they are and miserable when they are." she explained.

I thought it through and Ella came to mind. There was nothing I wouldn't be willing to go through for her. Over the short span of time that we've known each other, I've cherished her as someone who was brave enough to see past the monster that I was. When she cried, I felt like I could drive a dagger down the heart of the person who made her cry.

"There's also one thing, and it's actually the only one that matters." mother continued and I looked at her, curious.

"While I was telling you everything I've said earlier, there was only one person on your mind."

When she said that, I felt tricked but at the same time the truth came crashing down on me. I did have feelings for Ella. And whether or not she felt the same, I want to tell her. I have to tell her.

***

The ball was packed and I frantically searched for Ella in the crowd. I saw her talking to her mother, she wore a simple golden gown made of silk that had an elegant trail. She had her hair braided to one side and a golden tiara sitting on top of her gorgeous blonde hair.

"Loki!" she waved at me and I couldn't help but smile at her gesture. Who knew a simple smile could light up a room?

"You look dashing, my prince." she teased me with a curtsie and I couldn't help but laugh.

"You look stunning." I said sincerely. She gave me a smile and replied with, "I have something to tell you."

Before I knew it, she took my hand and dragged me away from the party to a vacant balcony.

"This seems... urgent." I commented.

She looked at me with the widest smile I had ever seen on her and her eyes filled with sparks of joy.

"Thor asked if he could court me." she said.

"Did you agree?" I asked, gulping as I did so. I fervently prayed to whichever god was listening that she had said no.

"I did."

I didn't know how to describe the feeling in my chest except that it felt like a horse had just kicked it. Tears stung my eyes which surprised me because I have never cried for such silly reasons before. The point is, I realized then and there that I was too late. I took my time too much and while I was busy denying my feelings someone else had already worked up the courage to court her.

Much worse, that someone happens to be my brother.

"Loki, are you okay?" she asked with concern which pulled me from my thoughts.

"Y-yes, pardon me. I'm happy for the both of you." I forced a smile. "Now, if you may excuse me, I no longer find this ball amusing."

And I left the ball.

***

The bifrost was magnificent still and it somehow calmed me. I lay there, thinking and regretting about what if I was just a second, a minute, an hour earlier to realize I loved her, would she have chosen me instead?

I heard footsteps and I got up. To be honest, I expected Ella. I expected to see her there, just like the first night we met. Instead, the blonde hair dancing in the wind belonged to Thor. Great. He was the last person I wanted to see.

"I knew I'd find you here." he said. You didn't. Ella told you.

"What do you want, Thor?" I asked and he beamed at me with that smile. That smile annoyed me, it drove me crazy with envy. That was the smile of a person who had not known suffering. A person who had been spoiled all his life. A person who was loved and accepted by everyone.

Ella was the one person other than mother who accepted me for who I am and he took her from me. Not that she was mine to give in the first place but still, he could have had any woman he wanted. Why did it have to be her?

"Ella agreed for me to court her, brother. After I went to your room for advice I realized I should just go to her and tell her how I felt." he said and sat with me. Good for you, Thor. I on the other hand denied it for too long. That was my mistake.

"Don't hurt her, brother." was all I could say.

"I won't."

You better not, Thor. Or Odin forbid what I could do to you if you hurt her.