(warning- I write these late at night and I do not proof read these,)
This chapter has been re-written!
Your welcome Alina:)
Ranboo's POV:
he silky white sheets were draped over my body, my thoughts taking over me. I stare up at the ceiling, those stupd glow-in-the-dark stars taunted me. They litterd my ceiling, everywhere i looked there was a slight glow being emitted. They reminded me of my past, my childhood. when things were better. I wish I was a kid again, things seemed to be somewhat better? at least i wasnt told to "act my age and grow up."
...was.. that my phone ringing?
I look over at my nightstand, and see who it is. why is-? why is TUBBO CALLING?? I slowly pick up my phone, careful not to drop it. I take deep breaths and tring not to panic to much? I mean, i also dont want him to know that ive been laying in bed all day~ Well, here goes noting.
I let my thumb drop onto the answer button.
Tubbos voice cut sharply through my phone speaker as he screamed "HELLO BOSS MAN!!!!! You readyyyy to start stream?"
"crap, it's already 2? I didn't realize sorry! I'll Im going to set up stream then call you on discord, k?" my voice threatening to break.
"okkkk~! see you then!!!!" He says leaving the call
I take the phone away from my ear, And flung onto my bed. I forgot.
I mean, I always forget, im so fucking stupid. How could I forget a stream, especially when it's someone else's! God.. I get up off my bed, i fall back down onto my bed, sitting back right where started, Dizziness hits me, im used to this I can't let it affect me.
Tubbo needs me to stream with him. He'll hate me if I don't. I lift myself off my bed and slowly walk over to my chair, which was much less comfortable than my bed.
I turn on my pc, and quickly open Minecraft and discord. I dig my fingernails into my wrist and took a deep breath, and press the call button.
He joins almost instantly, I mean we are.. 20 minutes late because of me.. "ranboo? You there?" Tubbo asked with concern in his voice
"Yep, sorry! Just got lost in my own thoughts" I say with a little laugh at the end, don't want him worrying. "Ok then.. starting stream in 3...2...1..." he counts down.
Here goes nothing.
It's 2 hours into the stream, when Tommy joined the vc. I like Tommy! He's a good guy, just not to me.
"Hi Tommy!" I hear tubbo say so I reply with.." "hi Tommy! How's it going..?" I didnt stutter, which was good. "Good before I joined this vc ranbitch" Tommy scoffs. This was a little joke Tommy kept up for the viewers 'hating me' was funny to them. "Tommy be nice" tubbo scolded him.' If I wasn't here their friendship would be better and they would hang out more.' We chatted for about two hours, it's was all just random stuff mostly about Tommy's vlogs and video ideas.
"Ranboo?" Tommy says.
"Hm?" I reply
"When you come over to the uk you'll practically have tubbo all to yourself, how is it like stealing my best friend." Tommy said jokingly,
but I'm tearing up. And my breath is spending up, god not now..!
I quickly took a deep breath and dug my nails into my wrist again, calming me down.
"TOMMY-! That's not nice!" I hear tubbo scream. I quickly reply "Nono, it's ok tubbo! I'm ok don't worry. Anyways I should head off! Still have some editing to do!" I say in a happy-ish tone.
"Ok bye Ranboo!" I hear tubbo say just before I leave.
I turn off my pc and just zone out for a bit tommy was just joking around and i knew it, but still if he was joking them why is it so hurtful. i'm lost in my thoughts until I hear "RANBOO DINNER!" (I'm not going to use his 'real' name)
My mom's voice snapped me out if the trance I was in, and I realized that it had already been 15 minutes since I had left the vc. It was now 6:15, but I wasn't hungry in the slightest, I knew I had to go downstairs and eat something though, because I hadn't eaten all day and my parents would get worried if they noticed I wasn't eating. I get up and wait until I'm no longer dizzy and walk down the stairs, "hey hun, go wash up the come join us at the table!" Mom says as she finished setting the table.
I did as she said and when I walked back in from the bathroom "father" was also there, he and mom were both sitting at the table waiting for me, "sorry for making you wait" I say making sure my voice wouldn't shake.
The dinner went on like it normally would, I ate half of the food they gave me and had normal conversations about my steaming, and YouTube videos. "Hey mom, speaking of videos! I need to finish editing one" I say while I hastily getting up and clearing my plate then rushing upstairs before they could say a thing.
I'm dizzy and tired by the time I get up to my room.
I shut the door and flop down onto my untidy bed and almost immediately fall to sleep.
Time skip!
Tubbos POV
'Something was up with Ranboo, I could feel it, he barely talked yesterday yes he's quiet but he at least tries to be more talkative for the streams. And he got upset with Tommy even though he knew it was all for the bit.. I'm getting worried.' I decided to call him, but when he picked up something was definitely wrong...
Ranboo's POV (earlier in the day, before Tubbo called)
I woke up the next morning again feeling awful, even worse than yesterday, I heard my mom call me down for breakfast, her voice sounded worried, so I knew I had to eat today. But i wasn't hungry. I went down the stairs and said good morning to my parents, I tried to take the food up to my room so I could throw it away, but they insisted I ate it in front of them. I slowly ate all of the eggs on my plate, feeling sicker after each bite. After I had eaten all of the food, I excused myself and clear my plate then ran upstairs barely making it to the bathroom before throwing up all that I had just ate.
I look in the mirror and regret it almost instantly, everything wrong with my face just popped out at that moment I returned to my room and just lay on my floor staring up at the ceiling the cheap plastic stars glowing in the darkness of my room.
After a few minutes of looking at them, I started to cry. 'Fuck' I realized that It had gotten worse. My mental health wasn't getting better, not one bit.
I hadn't really eaten much in the last week, the most I had eaten was this morning and I had just thrown it all up.
Why cant I be better? Why do I have to be like this? Why cant I be stronger? Maybe I should just give up?...
But then I remembered that I have to go to the uk and have fun with everyone. They hadn't really been my friends all week.. I knew I couldn't do anything bad to myself, but I had so much pain and anger inside of me, and I had to get it out somehow..
fuck.
A/N
Word-count 1300
Woooo first book pog. Hope you all like it-! C: it took a while to write-
YOU ARE READING
Words hurt ||Ranboo angst||
Random*WARNING THERE ARE SPELLING ERRORS, so SUCK IT UP.* Ranboo has a hard time dealing with his emotions, and often puts others before himself, he develops unhealthy coping mechanisms early on in his childhood, and his life starts to seem meaningless...
