Words hurt ||Ranboo angst||

||3|| Survival.

I wake up to bird chirping and the sun burning my eyes. Did I really not close my curtains yesterday..? I reach over to grab my phone and Yelp in pain. Fuck I forgot.. I slowly grab my phone, and check the time. 5:10 am..?
Hey! At least I slept more the 3 hours! I get up slowly making sure to steady myself before I get up.. I don't even know why I'm getting up, It's not even worth it anymore. None of my friends even care about me.. Except tubbo, He's my last hope. I shake the thoughts away and go to my closet to get clothes. I pick out a white short sleeve shirt and a black hawaiian shirt with white flowers scattered all over it, Pick out a random pair of sweatpants and put it all on. It hurt a bit putting it all on but its whatever, not like anyone cares. 'Stop, you need to be positive or else everyone will worry. They will make you stop streaming..' I head off down the stairs to go get shoes on, when I get like this I usually go an a walk to help. I put on my shoes, put my headphones in and press shuffle songs then I head out.

It was starting to get humid outside, of course it was getting hot, Its the middle of summer! the slight ding of a discord message cut off my song. I sigh and look around for a place to sit. I settled on this nice grassy patch by some rose bushes. I slowly sat down trying my best not to re-open any of the cuts I did last night, once im comfortable I check the discord messages, which were going crazy.

*Tommyinnit added Ranboo to VLOGG IDEASS!!!*

'Tommyinnit: Hey Ranboo you excited to come to the uk soon???'

'Tubbo_: Tommy I think its to early for him to be up-'

'Ranboo: Nope, Im up. And yes I am! But why did you add me to this group chat?'

'Tommyinnit: Because dumbass, your going in some of my vlogs. Have you not seen the name?'

'Ranboo: Yes I did, Sorry. Anyways, my flight is this weekend. I cant wait.'

I close my phone. I was sorta exited for the flight, but I wish it was sooner. I might not even last till this weekend, but then again, It is thursday. I slowly get up and start waking back home, making sure to turn my music a bit louder then it was before just so I didn't have thoughts clouding my vision, the last thing I want is to have a panic attack on the side of the road..

Time skip!

Its 4pm, half way done my stream. Gosh I wish I didn't have this stupid streak, I just wanted a break from all of this hate and fame. I say streaming comforts me but it doesn't, but its fine. It was a lore stream to, so I had to. The only reason why i'm so good at doing lore is because im just letting my emotions out on stream, I get to have panic attacks without them thinking im stupid, and I get to cry without them worrying. dream once asked me how I got so good at acting, I had to ignore his question because i could come up with a good lie..

After stream I get up and start packing, because I want to leave a day for me to remember that I need anything else, I shove a lot of hoodies and long sleeve shirts into the bag, along with some hawaiian shirts, just incase it was to hot. I go into my washroom, grab my toothbrush, hair brush, some shampoo and.. Some razor blades. I place all of them into my bag.. Crap! I almost forgot to pack some pants. I grab a handful and dump those in to. I zip up the suitcase then go to sit down until I hear the front door slam.

"what the hell.." I mutter under my breath until I realize that during my lore stream I told my parents to leave the house because I was streaming.

Fuck, I forgot not to tell him to go out. alone. I quickly grab my phone and check the time, 6pm, mom won't be home until 9. that means im left alone with my fucking drunk father. My dad is a good man until he's drunk, because of that he sometimes isn't the nicest to me "RANBOO" I hear his voice boom from downstairs. Fuck fuck fuck... I slowly put down my phone and walk down the stairs, trying to hold back my fear. He won't hurt me again right..? As soon as I get to the last step my father grabs the back of my neck.. I was wrong. he drags me to the kitchen and flings me against the sink, "WHY IS THE SINK FILLED WITH DIRTY DISHES?!" he yelled into my ear, they must have had dinner without me and left the dishes out to clean up later.. "I- I don't know dad, im sorry-" before I could finch apologizing I was on the floor, the pain hasn't set in yet, but my father punched me causing to fall, he looks like hes going in for another hit so I put my arms up to block it but yelp and pull them back. I put them up to quickly, then all of a sudden everything went black.

I get up.. Well I try to at least I try to. Everything hurts so much. Everything is a blur.. Somehow I make it up to my room and into my washroom. I grab a towel, wet it and clean my face off of blood, and grab the last thing I need for the uk trip, makeup. Throw it into the suitcase.

Slowly lower myself onto my bed and look up at the ceiling yet again, My phone seems to be buzzing like crazy but I couldn't get it. Everything hurt so much. I slowly start to fall asleep to the soft buzzing of my phone seems really calming.. Hopefully tommorw is better.

A/N

Make sure to eat something :D it might be hard to but try your best!

also, sorry this chapter was very fast moving- have a good day/night

word count 1060