Words hurt ||Ranboo angst||

||12|| Maybe?

(Warning!- I write these late at night and I do not proof read them)

This was it.. the day he planned for.. but Tubbo had to fucking make it difficult by planing a FUCKING Camping trip..
I just wish I choice a different day, but I can't last another day.. rolling over to grab my phone, to check the time.. 5 am.. of course it's early, It's always early. I look up from my phone to see already packed suitcase. I guess after what happened last night he decided to pack our stuff. I honestly don't care what he packed since again not going to be wearing it..
I get up not bothering to roll down down my sleeves because no ones awake, we'll time to make breakfast for Tubbo.
I make some simple eggs and toast for myself and the same for Tubbo. I don't bother waking Tubbo up, because he had to deal with my bullshit yesterday. I finish my food and clean the dishes and put them into the dish washer, it's better if I be quiet- I hear the footsteps coming from Tubbos room. Never fucking mind. I sigh and go to get dressed.
Walking over to my left over clothes, I grab some random clothes and put them on, it ends up being a dark blue shirt.
A nice lavender hoodie that fades into a darker purple on the sleeve, And some grey sweet pants. I see Tubbo walk out of his room already dressed and going into the washroom to brush his hair. Good to know we are on the same page. We are supposed to leave around 6:00 am. It's 5:40 right now so I go and sit down on the couch and turn on the tv. Tubbo joins me 5 minutes later and we wait for Phil, Wilbur, and Tommy to pick us up.

We get a text from Phil saying that they were here, I wish I never even came here, they don't know about the self harm right? I cross my fingers and go to grab my suitcase I grab Tubbos to because he packed them. I lift them outside to see a camper. It was bigger then I expected, but I knew there wouldn't be any rooms in it.
"Hey Tubbo! Hi Ranboo!" Phil says with this forced happy tone.
I say hi back and he tells us to get in, "we need to get on the road as soon as possible!"
He yells at us, I flinch and run into the camper I see Tommy on the couch scrolling through tiktok
And Wilbur is in the front seat blasting music into his headphones, he looks to be half asleep.
I look around, studding the small camper. There was some sleeping backs scattered around, beside one or the bigger sleeping bags was a suitcase that had pins and keychains all over it. It looked like it's been used a lot. I studied it more, looking for something that might tell me who's it is. I see a slight outline of what looks like a pill bottle, and a tag that says Wilbur on it. Good to know.
Then I look over to see Tommy's suitcase already opened and his shit was thrown everywhere. I feel the camper jerk forward and we start to head off. I sit down and remember that I forgot my fucking razor blades. Plan A out the window,
So it's find a place to yeet yourself off of. Or the meds..
I sigh and take my headphones out of my pocket. I connect the Bluetooth to my phone and start to school though Twitter.. this was going to be a long day.

It's been about 2 hours since we left, it hasn't even been that long since we have had breakfast, but Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur are complaining about being hungry. Im still sat there looking though tiktok and other random things.
Im not that hungry so I don't say anything, praying that they wouldn't stop for food because I wouldn't be able to stomach another meal. I look up to see Phil and Wilbur looking at me confused and concerned.. fuck.
"I'm a bit hungry to, maybe we should get some food?" I say my voice shaking slightly.
Great, throwing up on a moving camper sounds fun. It takes about 20 minutes but we get to a fast food place.
"Ok you little shits, what do you want." Phil says.
I hear Tommy reply then Tubbo, and finally Wilbur. Well I pretend not to here what he said.
He looks at me but I don't make eye contact and keep looking at my phone. I can see Phil give up and walk out of the camper. Glad I got out of that one.. maybe I won't have to throw up on my last day..! Maybe this will be fine.
We all sit there , waiting for Phil to come back with food, most of us just on our phone. Tubbo was half asleep on Tommy's shoulder which I took a picture of, waking him up.
Then Phil comes back, he hands out food to everyone, then walks over to me and hands me a burger and some fires.. i mentality slap myself.
"Thank you!" I say in a fake-happy tone.
He took his burger and unwrapped it, making sure to not be to loud because he didn't want to anger the others. Phil went back to driving well we all ate, I managed to eat the whole burger, and half the fries, but it took a bit. And after I did eat it all I felt like I was going to vomiting, no like I needed to. I look around to see Tommy and Tubbo asleep on each other. I guess Tubbo was tired after staying up most the night. Phil Wilbur are taking at the front of the car so I think I'm in the clear, I slowly make my way into the washroom it's tiny, it's barely would fit me if I was laying down.
I bend over the toilet and stick two of my fingers down my throat, activating my gag reflex, I do this over and over again until I throw up. I do this until I don't have anything left to throw up.. I feel dizzy but this is normal I get up and go out of the washroom and grab a piece of gum, before sitting beside Tommy and then promptly falling asleep on him..