(Didn't spell check this, also did this in school sorry!)
Tommy's pov:
Well, I guess this is kinda my fault.. I feel bad but it makes me fucking pissed that he's getting all the attention, like cmon we all have problems, he's might be worse but still! Gah..
I guess I'll try being nicer from now on.
Ranboos pov:
Here i was once again.
On the floor of someone's bathroom starring at nothing particular with wide eyes,
One noise would define everything, It was all so incredibly loud but there was no true noise going on around me.
I was left to fend with my own thoughts and feelings without anyone helping me, it's been like this forever..
I was nothing more than a pale, tall, thin boy with wide eyes. The silence was suffocating, and the floor around me was ice cold, Yet I didn't feel anything still.
I felt empty, my chest felt empty, my thoughts felt empty, my emotions felt empty, and i didn't know how to cope.
Harming couldn't even help this sort of numb feeling, this was a feeling not to be hidden anymore, that couldn't be hidden anymore.
I was breaking down. A slow and steady process, And here it was, the full break, This wasn't being fixed it just simply was gone. I was to far from my own mind and body that there wasn't bringing it back.
I had this horrible headache and i felt sick to my stomach. So I sit up and use the counter to pull myself off the floor, the blood rushes from my head and my vision starts to go black, I feel this awful sickness, i immediately hunch over the toilet and puke. Fuck. What have I done..? I slowly get up and walk over to look at myself in the mirror, I literally woke up in a pool of my own blood, and some meds beside me, my god I'm such a fucking idiot, Ruining Phil's washroom because.. because? why can I remember why I did this, well I mean I kinda remember but it's foggy, I remember fighting, tommy saying something, then I ran up here..
Should have expected this, I mean I'm so weak.
I grab some toilet paper and wet it, making it feel absolutely awful. I start to wipe off the caked on blood that was on the floor, when some of the water hit the blood it made the room smell of copper, which at this point was quite a familiar fragrance, the smell seemed to calm me in a odd way.
I am being stupid, like imagine how fucking pathetic this looks, i really hope I don't seem this pathetic to people. I mean harming myself is pretty pathetic, and at this point it doesn't even work anymore.. it just makes me feel even more empty.
I guess you could say i had a It's a horrible lifestyle, but how could i change it? My mom used to tell me that if I wasn't happy with myself I wouldn't be happy with other people, and I honestly believed it as a kid but now it's just a bit confusing and honestly the only bit of 'advice' she's ever given me.
It's not like I can change the fucking addiction I have, It's like another addiction, you think you'll be fine without it. But when you slip up and make people disappointed, your brain basically screams at you that you need it.
No it may not be 'healthy' or safe, but at this point it's my only way of coping with everything.
People don't know what I go though on a daily basis, I would like to see them try to live a day in my life without resorting to self harm. Like holy fuck, they would give up so quickly.
I guess I just want to be fucking loved, I want affection.. I don't even remember the last time I got I fucking hug... but it's not like that will matter anymore, I doubt I hug will do anything to make me feel better.
I mean it was probably my fathers fault for making me like this, It was a matter of time before my father had something happen to him right?
He's hooking up with creepy woman all the time and going back to their houses,
He drives drunk and drugged out all the time, something bound to happen at some point right?
I sigh and slowly make my way to the door, not bothering to clean my wrists or thighs, I leave my hoodie behind.
I've given up.. not like people care, I mean Tommy was right I'm just doing it for attention apparently.
Slowly, I reach for the door knob, unlocking the door. Taking a deep breath I open the door with a loud screech and walk outside into the hall.
Techno's pov:
I was telling Tommy off when I heard the awful sound of the door screeching open, Ranboos is awake!! I tried my best to not just bolt of the stairs like he did. Tommy was following me, I don't care he could see what he's done to Boo, what he caused this this was his fault , Ranboo was only trying to be nice, but in the end it ended badly for him..
I walk up the stairs, Tommy following very close behind me, I really do hope he's ok, why does he even do this to himself, I get it's a coping mechanism but still, I know to many good people, who do bad things to themselves , I hate to remember that he's one of those people.. it's just.. I wish it was someone else instead.
I see Ranboo in front of me, with this blank stare, it looked just empty, like he didn't feel sad or even hurt. I look down to see what looks like a hacksaw went through his arms, basically they were covered in blood..
He looks me dead in the eyes and smiles, then says..
"what did you expect Techno.. I'm weak."
A/n
Hello my little rose buds :D thanks for all the happy birthdays, it was one of the best birthdays ever-
And special thanks to Atlas07970 for the happy birthday drawing.!
Anyways, remember to DRINK WATER!
You know what they say, hydrate or die straight-
And get some sleep-
Love you allll~!
Word count: 1061
YOU ARE READING
Words hurt ||Ranboo angst||
Random*WARNING THERE ARE SPELLING ERRORS, so SUCK IT UP.* Ranboo has a hard time dealing with his emotions, and often puts others before himself, he develops unhealthy coping mechanisms early on in his childhood, and his life starts to seem meaningless...
