(Warning!- I write these late at night and I do not proof read them)
"What's the red-ish stuff on your sleeve..?"
FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK! I thought I was carful, I thought I checked.
TOMMY PROBABLY SAW TO.
I need to calm down or I'll crash this car, even though I want to. But that would kill Tubbo.
"Uh..what red stuff?" I ask my voice shaking. I can't even make eye contact with him..
"The red spatter on your sleeves!" He says pointing at them.
"Oh! Those-" I get cut off by Tubbo GETTING A PHONE CALL!
IM SAVED! I LIVE ANOTHER DAY! I was overwhelmed with relief, I was saved.
I just continue driving, listening to Tubbo's voice on the phone.
Somehow we make it home. I park and get out immediately, it's only 5pm so might as well try to do something productive. ..I guess I could clean the house a bit and then I could stream! I mean.. it's been a terrible day so might as well make it somewhat better.. I haven't streamed in forever because of the eye thing, might as well stream without the glasses because they are uncomfortable and I've already revealed them.
I open the door to the house and closing it, I know Tubbo would be awhile because he was in the phone with.. someone.
I wonder who..?
It doesn't matter, I walk through the house until I get to our room area thing,
It's a disaster, Pillows and blankets thrown everywhere, there was a lot of dishes like a lot.
And just overall a mess.. it won't be that hard to clean this up.
I start by removing the dishes and bringing them to the kitchen, making sure to rinse them off before putting them into the dishwasher. After that, I when back and started to pick up all the random trash.I found a random box in the corner, I checked if it was empty and it was! So, I went around the room picking up all the little things and putting them in the trash-box. I go into our washroom and empty that trash can into the trash box, then went into Tubbo's room and did the same. The box was somewhat full now so I taped it shut and grabbed a sharpie. My hand writing is shit buts a fucking box so who cares. I write trash in big bubble letters then draw some stars because why not. I was wasting time so I grab the box and put it somewhere so we can put it out on garbage day..! I look around the room it's was getting more tidy which made me happy, I hated mess if something was messy it caused me stress. I grab the pillows that were on the floor and put them back ton the couch and chairs making sure to colour coat them to make it look nice, then grab the smaller throw-pillows and do the same. I was almost done, somehow this got me exhausted wow I'm pathetic.
I grab the blankets and fold them and throw them over the top of the couch. I was finally done, now I can start streaming- wait. I probably look like shit maybe I should take a shower before hand. At this point Tubbo has not come in yet so I can't ask him for permission to, I guess if I get in trouble it's whatever. I look around to find a towel of some sort and after about five minutes to find a small creeper towel.. I guess this will have to do.
I hop into the shower hissing in pain. Every scratch and cut was stinging in the hot water.. it felt nice to finally relax some where no one could get to me. Because I locked the door and I had the shower running I had privacy. But fucking hell I forgot my god dam fucking razor.
I sigh and just enjoy this shower, because it could be my last.
After I finished up washing everything I got out and avoided looking at myself in the mirror until I got my clothes on.
I just brought in a normal pale pink hoodie, some black sweatpants and a white shirt, along with the other stuff I needed.
I put it all on, brushed my hair and made sure I didn't look like shit, Then headed out of the bathroom.
I didn't want to stream anymore. I lost the motivation to but I already tweeted that I would so no turning back now.
I sit down and turn on the pc. When it turns on I set everything up and take a deep breath, before pressing the go live! Button.
It's been about 3 hours into the just chatting stream, it's been boring for the most part. I talked about having 'fun' in Tommy's vlog. About the accidental face reveal. And just a bunch of random stuff. It was getting later now. About 9:30..?
I haven't checked in a while.. I start to just read the chat until I yawn, and stretch my arms up. I didn't think anything of it when I did it until I felt my sleeve slip down because I didn't have bandages to hold it up.
I know i was close enough that it would show them. The chat started going crazy. Asking if I was ok and why did I resort to that. Without saying anything else I shut off the stream.
The room was spinning, an my mind was just screaming at me, I run over to my suit case and clumsily grab a blade cutting my hand and dripping blood on the floor. I don't care.I DONT CARE! I run to the washroom and shut the door behind me.
I don't hesitate, nothing is worth it. They know. Everyone KNOWS. I can feel my phone going crazy with text messages and discord dms but I don't care.
I roll up my sleeve and push down with the blade.
It took a second but the pain hit me like a truck. It helped for a split second, it felt like I was in control again. That I didn't have a worry in the world. But that feeling left as soon as had came.
So I continued doing deep long cuts to try and grasp that feeling of control back, I was getting dizzy but I didn't stop.
Nothing could make me stop, my whole left are was cuts. Horizontal and vertical. All of them deep. I'm surprised I didn't hit a vain. I didn't care if I did! It would just end this hell that I created for myself.
Slowly I start to feel myself get weaker as I slip out of consciousness. I look down, my eyes blurry with tears to see the damage I did to myself. My light pink sweater was stained a dark crimson, some of it already more of a rusty colour.
The nice white tile floor had my blade throw onto it not to far from me. But I couldn't move to grab it, the world felt so peaceful when your about to pass out. Then I hear knocking..
"Boss man you ok in there?" I hear tubbo's muffled voice though the door as slip out of reality.
Right before I black out I tried to remember if I locked the door..
Tubbos POV:
I come inside after a long day. I was on the phone for a bit, then I went and got groceries.
I saw that Ranboo went live so I took my time..
When I did get home the room was nice and clean apart from Ranboo's luggage on the floor and some blood beside it.
That's when I noticed the bathroom door was closed. I could stop him before he does anything!
I walk over the the door and knock.
"Boss man you ok in there?" I ask, Knowing he's not. I knock again and again.
I test the door to see if it was locked, to my surprise it wasn't.
"Hey.. I'm coming in" I warned him, but still heard nothing.
I slowly open the bathroom door to give him more time until I see out of the corner of my eye red.
I open the door fully now and just state in shock.
"Ranboo?! HOLY SHIT!"
A/N
woo, early post timmeee
Heads up I might not be able to update this tomorrow but I'll try my best!
Remember that you are loved!
Word count 1413
YOU ARE READING
Words hurt ||Ranboo angst||
Random*WARNING THERE ARE SPELLING ERRORS, so SUCK IT UP.* Ranboo has a hard time dealing with his emotions, and often puts others before himself, he develops unhealthy coping mechanisms early on in his childhood, and his life starts to seem meaningless...
