(Warning!- I write these late at night and I do not proof read them)
Ranboos POV:
I didn't know what I just caused myself to get into.
Everything was going down hill again, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I dug myself into this mess and now there is only one way out. And the day I get out do this hell is tomorrow.
"Hey Ranboo..?" I here Tubbo say from be hind me,
Instinctively I curl up and put my arms over my head. I would be surprised if he hit me. I've done nothing but cause problems, and stress. For all I care he can beat me till I pass out, until I'm not the problem anymore..
I feel a hand on my shoulder, this is it I've pushed him over the edge.
"Hey.. I'm not going to hurt you.. I just want to talk about last night.." Tubbo says. The pity you could hear In his voice was unbelievable. I wanted to open up so so SO badly..
but if I did he wouldn't care. He didn't actually care about me. He just pity's me, only wanting to 'help me' for his own self gain. "What." I reply, my voice raspy and numb sounding. I remember what I did, I mean how could I forget this fucking awful week. First my eyes got leaked, then I almost got caught because Tommy grab my wrist to hard, and now the whole internet knows I cut myself because I'm weak, and to toping it all of I'm ending everything! This is the last 'bad week' I'll have, Ever.
"Ranboo, we both know what you did yesterday. Please.. tell me why! Tell me what's going on with you! Im worried.."
He says with the same fake pity.
"I-uh. I don't know.." I lie. I can't tell him. He can't know.. Fuck! I can't handle this..
I just start to cry, I can't stop it. Like everything I've done and experience just hit me over again. I thought I could hold in my feelings but cutting them away. I thought I could eliminate them , make them disappear behind the mask I put up for my friends.
"R-Ranboo. Why did you do that.. you could have died.." Tubbo says worried. I don't care anymore. It's not like I'll be here tomorrow.
"That's the point.." I mumble under my breath. Still trying to hold in the panic attack and not completely spill everything I've been holding in since I met Tubbo..
I look up, my eyes filling up with tears when I see Tubbo crying.
My fault. This is all my fault.. everything is my fault. My fault.. they COULD be happy If I never existed.
THIS IS MY FAULT FOR BEING SELFISH AND WANTING TO BE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE.
THINKING THAT COULD HELP ME AND MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. MY. FAULT. EVERYONE COULD BE HAPPY! BUT NO I TOOK THEIR FAME, I TOOK THEIR HAPPINESS ALONG WITH IT! MY FAULT!
I SHOULD HAVE DIED LAST NIGHT. EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER..
I realize that I am in fact, having a mental break down. I can't think straight, I need a escape. I need to let out this pain.
I look around frantically, looking for my blade. I feel Tubbo grab on to my shoulder.
"No." Tubbo look at me worried. He doesn't care. HE DOESN'T CAR-
I feel myself get pulled into a hug, I try to wiggle out but Tubbo grabs my wrist lightly to make sure I don't move.
Slowly I melt into the hug.. I haven't had a hug in a while, it was quite rare for me to even get a genuine hug.
Maybe he actually wants to help.. I hug him back, to tired to fight against it. I let my feelings out by crying. For the first time in forever, I felt safe.. As I slowly drifted into a peaceful sleep...
Tubbos POV:
I was shocked, Ranboo wanted to die last night. He didn't want to live the life that he just made for himself.
I just wish he told me sooner. I could have helped! I care for him, he knows that right..?
Maybe I wasn't good enough for him.. I tried everything to make him happy but nothing worked.
This fucking camping trip is the only idea that I have left..
I ordered him food to his house, which he never got. I also ordered him clothes and my merch. But he said that he never got anything.. it always didn't get to him.. even though I tried my best to do anything I could it never helped or got to him.. but that was fine.. he's here now, I can help him now that he's here. I just have to hope that he lets me, and doesn't kill himself before I get the chance to..
I hear a soft snore come from Ranboo, he fell asleep on me, he must have been tired from the panic attack he just had.
Carefully I lay him back down on the couch and put a pillow behind his head. Then I grab the blanket and carefully put it over him so hes not cold.. I guess it's time to pack so he doesn't have to.. I grab a smaller bag and stuff some of his clothes in it. Making sure that all my favourite outfits that he wore. And some of the sweaters I know I would steal from him because they were oversized and comfortable! I smile to myself, I hope he likes the outfits..
I go into the washroom and grab his hairbrush, toothbrush, and toothpaste and put those in the bag as well.. I grab some other random things to and finish up packing his bag! Now to pack mine, I grab clothes and the other shit I need.
And making sure I had bandages and disinfectant wipes and shoved those in my bag to.
That's it for packing, so might as well stream until 3 am and then go to sleep, because what else am I supposed to do.. be productive..?
"I just hope Ranboo will be ok.."
A/N!
I'm sorry this came out so late, I didn't realize the time so this one is a bit rushed.
I hope you have a good day/night and remember that your loved!
Word count! 1054
YOU ARE READING
Words hurt ||Ranboo angst||
Random*WARNING THERE ARE SPELLING ERRORS, so SUCK IT UP.* Ranboo has a hard time dealing with his emotions, and often puts others before himself, he develops unhealthy coping mechanisms early on in his childhood, and his life starts to seem meaningless...
