(Warning, i right these late at night and im always tired. so if this makes no sence then suck it up, ill fix it later)
Ranboos pov:
"you probably shouldn't go back boo" i hear tenho say, but it was kinda too late to turn back.. when techno grab the phone i clicked the share your location button.
god dammit he's going to be pissed off, that's awesome.
" um techno, I um click the share location button." i gester to the phone screen.
Wow, I really am a dumbass aren't I? This is great he should have just me let me die.
"Alright boo, that was fucking stupid of you to do but come on and grab your stuff, we have to leave this place."
Techno says, taping the button, hiding our location again.
Where are we going to go? I don't want to live let alone see people, for fuck sakes techno your shit at explaining thing!
"Where are we even going?!" I ask him, not going to lie I feel like I'm going to have another panic attack, I subconsciously start to scratch my wrists, the pain helped me calm down until techno grabbed my hands and pulled them off each other.
"The uk, it would take longer to get there but I got phil to buy tickets, we leave tomorrow, I wasn't planning on telling you this way but we need to go." Techno says to me.
I nod my head, scared to ask more questions.
why doesn't my dad care for me..? why doesn't anyone really care about me. maybe i'm just not to have friends, maybe i'm not meant for people to loved me, or cared to about me.
i grab my phone and walk outside, i sit down on the porch and wait for techno.. why is he doing this, why does he even care? i am so sick of giving love out to people who don't reciprocate. and it's not their fault, it's mine.. i just want to feel loved and appreciated and valued and i just- i just don't know if i should trust techno, what if hes just pretending, so he can get my trust then break it.
i don't know..
i hear the front door open behind me, out of pure habit I get up and step away from him.
"Boo, I know you can't help the flinching but please just get in the car.." I hear techno say with a hint of annoyance in his voice. i panic and walk to the car, getting into the car, i can hear techno open the trunk, pausing then closing it again. he gets into the driver seat of the car, hes beside me.. he also doesn't have his luggage, that's probably what went into the back.
i take out my phone and plug it into the cars phone charger, techno probably put this here.. i open my phone and go to my notes app, i make a new one, and start writing,this time instead of cutting, ill try writing emotions away, or just making myself another Suicide note.
'im pretty tired physically, emotionally, and mentally. there's so things that can be the reasoning to my death. my verbally abusive family, streaming pressure, self expectations, ruined relationships and more. i've been so self conscious lately, eating so little food so i can have the weight i desire even tho im underweighted for my age. im only young and why do i have to experience these things already? im only in my teens years yet why am i already suffering? wouldn't it be better to disappear right now accepting my death? i dont have the strength to continue my life anymore, im too tired to spend 50+ yrs just living and breathing. constantly experiencing problems that i keep on solving. and thats why i want this problem to be my last. I constantly worry that no matter how hard I try ,I will become just like my father. II don't have the capacity to do things the way those who are not depressed are able to and I struggle with basic tasks, this is made even worse by the fact that I place all my value on how well I can do things no matter how hard I try I constantly feel like my failure is imminent and that I am not doing enough.. No matter how i try i dont think ill ever be enough. feel out of place on earth. Its as if like I'm not supposed to be here. I mess up everytime and let my anger take over me, causing me to take it out on myself, i end up cutting until i pass out. Funny how I said I wasn't gonna end up as an attention seeker. but it seems like I'm gonna become that. '
After writing that, i take a deep breath, i put my phone down.. im so so tired, i lay my head down on the other side of the car, when i get to the uk again i hope i don't get sent back home.. dont trust anyone i repeat to myself as i slowly drift off to sleep.
A/N
HELL L L L L L L L L L L L L L L O O O O O O O O O O O O O O~
been awhile eh? anyways i'll explain what took so long for me to post,I needed a mental heath break, my father has tried to forcibly remove me from my school 3 times in the past week. Also the fact that both my mothers birthday and one of my pets passed away- also the fact that i've had like 4 tests in this time span ;-; Stay hydrated, remember I can see your comments, SO That means to get up and grab yourself some water. i don't care if you 'don't want to' d r i n k w a t e r' pleaseeeeee and get some sleep. now. like stop reading angst and go to sleep.
anyways love you darlings~!
Word count- 1120
YOU ARE READING
Words hurt ||Ranboo angst||
Random*WARNING THERE ARE SPELLING ERRORS, so SUCK IT UP.* Ranboo has a hard time dealing with his emotions, and often puts others before himself, he develops unhealthy coping mechanisms early on in his childhood, and his life starts to seem meaningless...
