As I Am (Part 2 of There You'll Be)

Sleep

(Evelyn)
I sat in the rocking chair in Dallas room trying to give him a bottle. He'd been fussy for the last few days and that resulted in little sleep for the both of us.

The guys were working late tonight at Zak's and Jay wouldn't be home till early in the morning.

"Dallas... hey...hey...shhhh...it's okay." I told him.

He'd settled down and took his bottle. Knowing I'd be here a while, I decided to look at pictures on my phone.

Since Zak & Holly has announced their baby, I felt all the feelings. Anger, jealousy, hate, hurt and grief. I know that I've moved on with Jay and I'm happy and a new mother again and engaged but...

I miss him.

Yeah. Late at night, Zak's been appearing in my dreams. I look in the mirror and I see him wrapped around my naked body. Touching me, breathing me and kissing me only where he can.

I opened the photo app on my phone. I scrolled through the albums and clicked.

I never told Jay this but I DIDNT delete my photos of Zak & I. All of the nudes, the sex vids, the photos of us through the years, adding babies, getting married. I screenshot the sappiest texts he sent me through the years and I saved them.

I scrolled through them, feeling weak. Feeling all the feelings all over again. I soon became so lost in the feeling of Zak all over my body again. My body would feel sparks in the exact same patterns as Zak would leave all over me.

I became so zoned for out that I didn't realize Dallas had spit out his bottle &  fallen asleep. He was out cold.

The sound of his bottle dropping was enough to bring me back down to Earth.

I quickly closed the app and clicked off my phone.

"Let's put you to bed little one. Mama needs some sleep."