As I Am (Part 2 of There You'll Be)

Picture

(Zak)
Living my life in a slow hell
Different girl every night at the hotel
I ain't seen the sunshine in three damn days
Been fueling up on cocaine and whisky
I wish I had a good girl to miss me
Lord, I wonder if I'll ever change my ways

I woke up before the sun this morning. I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. The girl next to me stirred a little in her sleep. She's the fourth one this week. I flew her out here for the weekend for a good fuck and that's it.

I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you while I'm lying next to her
I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you while I'm lying next to her

I miss my old life. I miss my kids, my wife. What the hell was I thinking. I reached for my phone and through it, I scrolled. Seeing pictures of my kids and Ev and I made me tear up. I couldn't delete them! I know that's crazy but I couldn't just erase my last 7 years.

I called you last night in the hotel
Everyone knows, but they won't tell
But their half-hearted smiles tell me something just ain't right
I've been waiting on you for a long time
Fueling up on heartaches and cheap wine
I ain't heard from you in three damn nights

How was what I did to Evelyn even fair? How was I able to just up and leave? Who the fuck did I think I was? I wasn't a drinker but that was a habit I got into. I drink and pop pills. Things that numb me during sex.

I put your picture away
I wonder where you've been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him
I put your picture away
I wonder where you've been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him

I wonder if she thought about me. I wonder if this killed her like it killed me. It had to. I was the one that dropped the bomb on her that I wasn't wanting to be committed anymore.

I saw you yesterday with an old friend
It was the same old same, how have you been?
Since you've been gone, my world's been dark and grey

Jay always knew. He was Evelyn's best friend through it all. Sure I see Evelyn every now and then, when we exchange kids. I just really really miss seeing her. After work, before work, in bed, with the kids.

You reminded me of brighter days
I hoped you were coming home to stay
I was headed to church
I was off to drink you away

Jay better never take that smile of hers for granted. I know I did. I took all of her for granted. I said in my vows that she wasn't interested in "Zak Bagans" but just Zachary. She fit so perfect in my life and I threw her away.

I thought about you for a long time
Can't seem to get you off my mind
I can't understand why we're living life this way

The girl next to me stirred again and was awake. I turned around to face her and without thinking, I said:
"Good Morning, Evelyn."
"My name's Emma..." she said.
Right. Shit.

I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home

I can apologize, right? Celebrities do that all the time. Look at the Kardashians. Maybe I'll call her. Talk to her when I go get the kids for my weekend. Fess up, say sorry and go back to normal. That works, right?

I just called to say I love you
Come back home