Persphyni : I am Destruction

48

I kept my eyes on the pink rays as the new day began. My new page blank as I took my pen and began to write the next chapter of my story. One where I wasn't afraid of being vulnerable. One where I could be honest with myself and slowly begin to open to those around me.

"Do you want to know why I have and will always have more scars visible to the eye?" My eyes met his as I slowly turned around, my hair pulled to one side as I gaze straight into his soft brown shocked eyes. His eyes flicking down to the faded scar I received only a year ago just below this very roof. A scar he had given me. "Because I build walls upon walls. Layers of brick and stone and obsidian so that I can't ever get hurt. So that I can never feel vulnerable, frail, weak." I kept my lip from quivering as I stared into his sad eyes. His pitying gaze encouraged me to continue so I didn't have to hear him speak.

"So that no one but myself can inflict harm on my soul, on my mind, on my heart. I bear the world on my skin, on my face, on my back. I take it so that no one else will feel the pain of being inhuman. Of being a monster, a murder, a liar, a thief, a selfish coward." I commanded my voice not to crack as I focused on my words and his eyes. His eyes that tethered me to this moment as my mind and body fought to escape. "I built my walls, so that I could never be hurt in a way that would blindside me. I can handle a blade, a bullet, a whip. I can handle a punch, a kick, an arrow. But I," I took a breath as I found the words I wanted to say, "I can't handle this. You. All of it. Any of it. Ever since I met you, I've sensed you creeping beyond the walls I've set. Slowly pulling layer by layer of mortar and brick and stone. Until only the last wall reminds. This hardened shell of obsidian, an indestructible material that is protecting the one thing that's never been exposed to anything. Not even the darkness of myself. The most fragile thing a person owns." I blinked slowly, my eyes closing for a period of time as I gather the words in my head. The sound of Bellamy's soft footsteps danced towards me as I felt the heat radiate from his body.

"My skin is my armor, and it is decorated more than a knight who has seen scores of battle. I have gone to war more times than I can count. I have fought and nearly died more times than you can imagine. Yet death has never scared me this much. I can't control it, that's what scares me." I felt a knot loosen in my shoulders as I breathed out my fear.

"You're so close." I whispered, my eyes still shut as I held back the emotions that dared to break free. "And I'm scared. I'm on a cliff and there is no river to save me. Without my walls I can't protect myself. There is no me to save me. If you make it through, I'll have nothing left. I'll be vulnerable. I'd be falling with nothing to catch me. Then the scars on the outside wouldn't matter anymore. Because on the inside I could end up shattered and no one would ever know." I felt something hot trail a path down my cheek and slip towards my lips. Salt and sorrow lingering as I felt my tear continue it's descent.

"You'll have me." My eyes fluttered open at the sound of his voice and the warmth of his hand as he cupped my face. A small hopeful smile lit up his eyes as he stared between my own. "I promise, Persphyni, that I will always catch you when you fall. When you're ready, you just have to take that chance." I felt another tear flee as I blinked, his thumb brushing it away as he continued to look me in my eyes.

"Your scars aren't your wall you hide behind, they are a part of you that helped build you to be who you are today. They helped protect you when you needed it, but you aren't alone anymore. I'm here, and I plan to stand beside you everyday until it's my last. And until then, I plan on making you see the beauty in falling." His other hand reached up to brush a piece of hair behind my ear. "Persphyni Atlys Kane, from the moment I met you I knew there was something special. And I want you to see that too. So please," his voice dropped to a whisper as he continued to gaze into my eyes, "let me in. Let me find your heart and guard it so you don't have to hide anymore. You don't have to be afraid or alone any longer." I brought my hands up to his wrists as I held back the tears in my eyes that made his profile go blurry.

"Do you promise?" My voice was airy as I stared into his eyes looking for a sign of doubt or trickery. My eyes welling when I saw none.

What was I about to do? How much would this change me? Would this turn out like the old stories? Or would this be my downfall?

"I promise, always." I sniffled, a small smile crossing my lips as one crossed his.

"Even if always is only for tomorrow?"

"Especially then, Queen, especially then." He pulled me into a hug which I gratefully accepted. My arms locking behind his back as his warmth radiated through my cold body.

Or would this be my turning point to become even more than I am now?

"Then here's your chance." I mumbled into his chest as I pulled back slightly. Our eyes meeting as we smiled.

Despite everything in that moment, in the past moments, and in the future moments, we smiled. And turning silently, we watched the sun finish rising.

My red hair gently blowing in the soft breeze as it caught the morning glow of the sun. Our faces lit up in a golden hue.

The sun's pink hues stretching out along the lighter blue as it crawled across the sky towards the darker night in the west. The hints of orange and yellow zigzagged decoratively as the blinding star popped up from behind the trees and mountains.

Together we stood there in each other's embrace, saying good night to the stars and good morning to the sun.

"Thank you. Even if I only get until the end of the world to prove myself." I smiled at Bellamy's whisper before a thought stuck me. My heart racing as I remembered what I had been meaning to tell everyone.

"Bellamy," I separated from him with a huge grin on my face, "I know where the actual New Dawn Bunker is."