Persphyni : I am Destruction

79

Octavia,

By the time you read this, I will be gone. I'm sorry I couldn't stay, I'm sorry I'm leaving you to face these people on your own. But I'm the most sorry for not being able to hug you and tell you goodbye.

You mean a lot to me. I look at you as my little sister and I only ever want the best for you and to protect you to allow you the chance to live and love your life. And now, I fear I may have made a choice which puts you at risk of growing up far too fast.

Having to leave wasn't easy, but it was what I needed to do. You, Miller, Gideon, Lyla, Molly and my father were the only people holding me there. I worry the grounders will become restless and challenge you.

No. I know they will become restless and challenge your authority. You won the Conclave. If you hadn't chosen to wake me up, I would have gladly died in that fountain. So do not think the only reason you won is because of me or anyone else.

Yes, we helped. But no great leader ever gets anything accomplished alone. It's why Clarke and Bellamy relied on me. And why I learned to rely on them.

I don't want that to happen to you. Find the people who will be good for you to include in your inner circle and keep them close. Make sure you can trust them, or else.

I don't want to see you anytime soon. So make sure you stay alive.

You are their leader now, Octavia. Whether you wanted it or not.

I hope this helps you find yourself. I hope this duty to protect and help keep the men, women, and children in this bunker alive provides a means to you forgiving yourself.

Lincoln's death was not your fault.

Ilian's death was not your fault.

Your mother's death was not your fault.

My death is not your fault.

I have been dying for a while now. I only hope I can save your Brother and bring him back here before I have to depart from this earth.

You Blakes certainly know how to get in trouble. But it's okay, I like trouble. And apparently trouble likes us.

Thank you for allowing me to pull you under my wing. And I'm sorry that you had exposure to my darkness. I fear that it may have latched onto you and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Not even Echo.

I have to leave quickly before anyone comes in and notices I have awoken. But I have a few quick tips of advice. And please don't turn your head or roll your eyes. You aren't a little kid anymore. As much as I hate making you grow up, I have also put you in this situation.

There will be times you want to quit, but you can't. Because you have a duty to those people just outside this office and to yourself.

You must lead them, guide them to the light, protect them from the darkness.

You can not let the dark consume you. You can not let the dark consume the bunker.

It will never be easy. The reason we do hard things is because it is hard. If things were easy, anyone would do it. But no. It has to be you. It has always been you.

You may hate me for leaving you. But when you grow into the beautiful and powerful young woman I already see, I hope you can find it in you to forgive me.

I saved you in that river the first day down here for a reason. And it wasn't out of the kindness of my heart. (Especially cause I thought you were an absolute dumbass, only to later find out that your brother got that gene) No. That day at the river, I saw a frightened young girl who was going to experience a dramatic life-altering event. One that would change her childlike view of the world. And I knew then I needed to keep you close so that I could help you from steering yourself into darkness.

You had this bright light in your eyes. Even though you were terrified. I wanted to try to preserve it for forever.

But I failed you. Then I promised myself I wouldn't do it again.

But I fear by leaving you now, there is a chance I might have.

Prove me wrong, Via.

I'll be watching.

Yu biga sis, Pers.

P.s. Tell Bellamy. I can see you stressing over something. He is too. It's the end of the world. Your life is viable to be lost, don't lose your last remaining blood relationship too.

_______•*•*•*•_______

"A note. That's all she left. Bellamy, please tell me she's made it there. I have to know she's going to be okay. I don't think I can lose her and you." The younger girl's voice cracked as she spoke into the walkie.

"You're not losing me. It's five years. It'll be over before you know it." The gruff male's voice assured his younger sister over the walkie.

"You didn't say anything about Pers. You know, your girlfriend." Octavia's voice was saddened but mocking as she poked at her brother.

"I don't know where she is. Hell, I don't even know if she's considered my girlfriend. I felt like she was more. But now that she's vanished. I worry maybe she never thought the same about me." Octavia shook her head at Bellamy's words even if he wouldn't see her.

"That's not true at all. When she told you to be happy after the Mountain and your kiss, she was miserable. I don't think I ever saw her truly smile until after Alie and the City of Light. Bell, she may not know it, but I can see she's in love with you. You make her happy. She feels whole around you. Maybe that's why she was so scared. Pers doesn't think she deserves anything." Her older brother cut her off.

"I know. I want to show her she deserves everything. Because she is everything. I didn't think I could love someone other than you Octavia. But now I see that maybe this is what I'm feeling. But she's not who I want to talk about. I don't think I can deal with not knowing if she's safe or not." Bellamy trailed off leaving Octavia to say the one thing she has been wanting to say for a while now.

"I love you, big brother. It took me until the end of the world to say it. But I do."

Then the walkie went silent.

Praimfaya was here.

Or at least it was in this moment.