Persphyni : I am Destruction

80

Father,

I never thought I could say that word, ever. I was an orphan, then I became a weapon. But now I am a daughter. Your daughter. Being able to say that fills me with a sense of pride. A sense of wholeness— knowledge that I'm not alone. Nor have I ever been. At least not fully.

I feel like I may be a bad daughter though. Always running away, doing my own thing. Dying or nearly dying several times within a week. Throwing my life on the line while you stand there not able to stop me because I'm too damn stubborn.

But a part of me also thinks you're afraid to try and control me or be authoritative with me. I think you are worried I may leave and never come back because the experience is new or overwhelming. Or maybe you just see that I'm an adult and have the ability to make my own choice even if you don't like it.

Whichever it is, you have earned my respect. I see you as a father figure. And a part of me feels connected to you one way or another.

You know emotions aren't my thing but I will miss you. And I'm sorry for putting you through this again. Except this time, it's real. And no, you can't stop it. The reaper stick worked temporarily and was a smart move, but you forget I'm quite the escape artist. After all, I was consider an elite criminal on the Ark.

Come to think of it, we never really sat down and talked about Kore. Only briefly what she was like. But I think that was for the best. As an orphan who had never known my parents, I was able to freely idolize and envision what I wanted you to be like or when I didn't want to know you or think about the people I would never meet.

But I've seen her. Kore.

I don't how. Well I do, but I'm still hypothesizing how it worked.

Somehow, when I logged into Alie's code, I broke through some barriers and memories began to insert themselves into my mind. But when Alie was draining my life force while I was inside the City, she was able to link me closer to her code as she pulled me in further to shut me down and terminate me like a virus.

Only the memories I have shoved to the back of my mind were the real virus. Ever since we got out of the City, I've had visions. They're someone else's memories that appear to me when I need them or when something sticks out and is closely related. Almost like the memories are my own and linked to my subconscious as I can recall and use them mostly to my will.

But I saw her. She was truly beautiful. And she seemed so happy. She also seemed like the type who'd want you to be happy as well.

Which is all I can hope you're able to find. Happiness.

Leaving you without saying goodbye wasn't my goal, but knowing you'd stop me before I could go and save Bellamy and Clarke and Raven, I had to sacrifice knowing you may resent me forever. But I can't die knowing you resent yourself for not being a good father.

The term good is so opinionated that I would rather use the term "my". You are my father, and if it counts for anything, I think you are more than good enough. Even if you aren't able to direct me all the time. You cared about and for me, that's all I ever wanted.

It's all a child ever needs— love.

If someone were to tell me at nineteen I would finally begin to see and understand what love was, I would have spat in their face before  laughing with cold smirk. Then I would have told them I'd never make it pass 18 because I was up on the Ark.

Clearly things change. You've changed me for the better just by being there.

Octavia is going to need your help. Be there if she comes looking for you, please. But don't be offended if she doesn't. Indra will be her go-to advisor for most simplistic things such as debates or arguments. Complex thought though does require experience. Experience which you've had.

Take care of yourself, Dad. I hate to leave you like this again, but it's time for me to go.

Thank you for showing me fatherly-love and protection.

I'm sorry I couldn't be a better daughter.

Persphyni Atlys Kane.

P.S. —I'm sorry I can't say anymore. Sometimes words could never amount to the situation at hand.

_______•*•*•*•_______

"She's gone." His whisper was quiet as he paced around the empty office room. His previous goal of retrieving Clarke's list abandoned as he carried a different document. "She's really gone. Again."

He ran his hand through his hair, the lightly peppered short locks straining as his fingers combed them back. His teeth gritting as his heart pulled and tore again. The feeling just like when he had lost them both the first time, but worse as there was really nothing he could have done.

"You'll meet your mother now. I know she's been waiting." He began speaking to the ceiling as he clutched the paper right in his hands. "May we meet again. My dear Persphyni." Kane's hands shakily folded his daughter's note until it was no more than the size of his palm before pocketing it.

"Please take care of our girl. I wish I had held onto her for a little longer." The older man's eyes closed as a set of tears fell down from his brown orbs; his closed eye lids danced with visions of his two girls.

She really did look just like her mother. Acted like her as well: brave, selfless, closed-off, authoritative, stunning, and stubborn among so many others. He would be lying if he didn't say she also took after him. Sure she had her mother's hair and eyes but the personality. It was a massive clash. One where each of their traits were put to effect even though she had never known them before. It was remarkable.

His little girl was remarkable.

His little Willow. Their little Willow.

Even if every time he thought of the would have been, he thinks of the "is" and remains thankful everyday he still got to see his Persphyni.

It mattered not that she had to chose her name for herself as the name given to her at birth wasn't known by her. She was still his little girl.

And he would see her again.

He just didn't know when.