Persphyni : I am Destruction

77

When Raven's voice cut out, I whipped my head towards the monitors and saw them still flying into the sky. The world around them burning as the rocket shot up. Up away from Praimfaya. Up into space. They were going to make it.

"Ai gonplei ste odon. I'll see you all again." I whispered to myself as I pulled my bag off and set it beside my chair. The rest of my suit going on the floor next to my bag.

I spun on the chair and looked at the timer on the far wall opposite me. I had fifteen minutes until the wave hit my location. Fifteen minutes until I learned whether or not Becca's lab was potentially invincible, and if she had any snacks. Preferably not expired.

Fifteen minutes before I had to decide for myself.

And then, I wept.

I wept for the little girl who just wanted to find love.

I wept for the woman who had found it and gave it up.

I wept because I didn't know what else to do.

_______•*•*•*•_______

The seconds were ticking. The digits were glitching as time ran out. The screens showed the red cloud coming closer and closer. Only two cameras were left, both attached to the lab. The rest were busted, the lightning in the radiation storm knocking them out as it drove onwards.

It was man against earth. And unfortunately, man was winning. The flames were angry. Red, orange, blue, and green flashes accompanied the cloud.

"To the living." I rose the canteen of water into the air as the last two camera screens flickered. "To the dead." I rose it higher into the air as the wave continued closer.

"To the would have been. To the never will. To us. To them." I brought the canteen to my lips, hovering slightly as I twirled my dagger in my hand. "To the little girl who made it this far. To me." I knocked the canteen back and downed the water as the screens flickered before going out.  My eyes shut as I drowned out my emotions with the water, therefore missing the small figure running into the lab.

Once the canteen was finished, I set it on the lab table and fiddled with the dagger in my hands. Twirling the hilt of it towards me then away. Over and over again, until I finally stopped it. The sharp edge pointed to my stomach as I slowly raised it to center over the left side of my chest. Over my heart.

Or where my heart should have been had it not flown up to space with him.

"To the stars who've been watching over us. And to Death who has been my guardian. Ai gonplei ste odon." My words were strong before fading into a quiet whisper. My head lifting up to look at the ceiling, envisioning the stars above.

"Watch over them for me. All of them."

I was stalling. The small part of me that wanted to give up was being fought by the new empowered part. This part that was grown on this earth, but had always been apart of me. This part wasn't ready to just die. It wanted to live.

I wanted to live.

More than anything I wanted to see Bellamy, Octavia, Raven, Murphy, Monty, Harper, Miller, my dad, Emori, Gideon, Lyla, Indra, Molly.

But on top of that, I wanted to see Lincoln, Jasper, Sinclair, Wells, Lexa, Melissa, and Clarke. I wanted to see them all again.

Here I stood. A dagger to my chest, in between the land of the living and the dead. A choice rested heavily on my shoulders. A choice that nearly rivaled the weight of the world.

A choice I wasn't sure I could make.

I finally had the options but still couldn't chose.

It was different from up on the Ark. I had no choice. Then down here, all I had were choices that I made left and right. But now, now when it's about me and my life, when this moment is so real that I know I'm not going to make it out alive because I will make a killing blow, I can't possibly come to a decision.

Because what if?

Because that's it.

That's why I can't.

But that's why I can.

Then what happens?

How can I survive five years with absolutely nothing down here. I'd have to go up, and because my blood doesn't cycle radiation well— I'd die as soon as I surface. I die down here as well.

But. If I go up, I'll get to say goodbye to the stars one last time. And maybe, five years from now. My body of bones will be found and they will identify me. So then they never have to deal with the what if's.

I took a breath and looked back down at the dagger. It was now or never. I pulled the dagger to my throat, but as soon as I went to slide it across my skin, I stopped.

I chose never.

As the dagger clattered to the ground a rough noise came from the direction of the stairs. My hand automatically picking the dagger back up and spinning it around as I waited for whatever was up there to come down.

Only the gasping and coughing didn't move. And soon the thing wretched and I knew it had been exposed to radiation. It's panting breaths were accompanied by a thud as I made my way to it. Pity in my heart as I planned on putting it out of its misery.

Only when I peaked the stairs, I nearly fell backwards in shock.

"Holy shit." A laugh escaped my lips as I slid the dagger back into its sheath and crouched beside the girl. "You and I just can't seem to die can we." Her eyes shut as she coughed up once more before going utterly still.

"Hey. Uh. You can't do that shit to me Clarke. I ain't a doctor." I reached my hands out before pulling them away quickly. She was covered in radiation. And I didn't have anything protecting my hands.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." Pardon my French.

I raced back down the stairs and grabbed my large gloves and ran back up. A potentially good idea crossing my mind as I quickly, but gently, got Clarke's suit off and raced over to the tank of water Raven had used, I deposited the gear on the floor then grabbed a moving bed thingy and awkwardly yanked it up the stairs.

Yes, I had to get it back down, but I'd figure that out later.

"Okay, so, hopefully you're fully passed out so you don't see this horror show. Because I can't touch you without my gloves or I may actually die..." I slapped my forehead at the lack of empathy in my statement. My eyes widening as panic began to course through me.

What did I just say I couldn't do!

"Shit. Shit. Shit!" Pardon my French again.

I ran back down the stairs, without Clarke, and towards the water tank. My heart accelerating as I took a flying leap upwards and grabbed onto the edge of the tank, thanking Raven and Becca for securing it down, before quickly dunking my face in the water.

When I finally lifted my head, I wanted to just fall backwards onto the ground and go to sleep. But of course, a blonde needed to decontaminate herself. Unfortunately, she's unconscious, leaving the only person available to help being me.

And when I remembered I had to get her back down the stairs, I let out a large sigh.

Yeah. The floor looked pretty good about right now.