The Jerk Coefficient

Epilogue

TW: Suicide

"Mom? Mom!"

I shook her body but she wasn't responding. I grabbed the cutter that I left in the living room last night. Punong-puno ito ng dugo.

"Tulong!"

I'm screaming my lungs out but no one else is in the house right now. My hand was shaking as I was tapping on mom's phone and dialing dad's number.

"Dad, si—si mommy po! Punong-puno ng dugo. Dad, she's not responding! I—I think she cut herself. Dad! What do I do?!"

"What? Pauwi na ako! Teka lang, tatawag ako ng ambulansya." He ended the call and my heart was beating so hard that I almost didn't hear Lance's cry in the bedroom. I don't know what to do.

"Mom, mom, wake up, p—please." I hugged her and I could smell her blood. It scattered on my shirt, but I didn't mind. If my love could save her right now, I would give everything. I would give every drop. My eyes were pouring like a faucet and I kept on looking at the phone, waiting for help.

"Lance, please wait. Kuya will be there in a minute."

My voice is almost gone. I know that he can't hear me and that he's too young to understand, but I know that he feels what's going on.

"Mom, I'm sorry. Don't leave us, please. We need you. Lance is too young." My voice cracked and I embraced her even tighter.

I blamed dad for that. If only he listened. If only he took the time to stop whatever he was doing, and offer to be someone that my mom could rely on, but he didn't. Mom was left alone with her postpartum, taking care of us.

I promised myself to love right, or to not love at all.

"Para kay Clarence yan, gago ka!" She punched me on the face and everything went really fast after that.

"What—holy shit!" I felt my face heat up. Imbes na itulak siya ay isinalo siya noong biglaan siyang natumba. Hinawakan ko siya sa magkabilang braso para alalayan habang nakangudngod ang mukha niya sa dibdib ko.

I smelled her vomit even more and I gagged. All that I could do was to close my eyes tightly and focus on not puking. I thank heavens that I didn't. May babaeng biglang hinatak siya mula sakin and I was left with her vomit on my shirt.

If I knew that all that I had to do was to punch that bastard's face and get vomited on to meet the woman of my dreams, then I would have done it a lot sooner, but then... was I capable of loving right?

"Were you in a date?" I teased as I was watching her cross her arms under the rain. "Hindi ka niya hinatid?"

"Napakachismoso mo. Mind your own business."

"Was it with Clarence?" Isinusunod ko ang kotse ko habang inaasar siya. This place is quite secluded and I can't just drive pass her like this.

"Pwede bang umalis ka na?!" Inihinto ko nang sandali ang kotse at hinatak siya papasok ng kotse. Wala na siyang nagawa.

"Bakit ka pala napadaan dito?"

"About to go home." I let out a yawn.

"Ha? Edi babalik ka pa ulit sa school? Drop mo na lang ako sa kung saan ako pwedeng sumakay." She kept on convincing me to but I had to lie. I wanted to make sure that she was safe.

"Nah, may nakalimutan din naman ako sa locker ko. I was about to go back to the campus nung nakita kita."

That night felt serene, as the raindrops were running down the windshield. I listened to her breathing as her eyes were closed. She looked exhausted. I was with the woman that I didn't know would drive me crazy.