It's always been you

The missing thing

It's you that I have been waiting for all this time...
Can we stay like this even just for a fleeting moment?
For my heart longs for your existence.

~~~

Sam looks back to the sleeping guy on his recently dusted sofa. Yusuke looks like a damn angel when sleeping but a spitfire when consciously awake. It should have irked Sam for he was not overly fond of haughty people, but he didn’t know why he finds it amusing.

Maybe because he knows the man’s word despite cutting didn’t mean to hurt. After dusting the last piece of furniture in the small living room, he proceeds to the kitchen. Looking at the mess it was now, Sam thought if he will not die of Huntington’s disease but with how dusty and filthy this entire apartment is. 

Yet he proceeds to do just like what he was complaining about. That stubborn man needs sustenance or he’ll not get better. So he had to fix something for him. The house doesn’t have anything at all to make any person alive after successfully battling all the dust. So he will order raw ingredients to be delivered after he could make sure the kitchen is sanitized enough not to make Yusuke worse than better.

A sigh escapes his lips while wiping the drop of sweat that fell on his cheek. He had finished cleaning and thanks to everyone in heaven that there are cleaning materials stored on one of the cabinets. He wanted to take off his already filthy dress shirt but he has no spare in his car. He must have to borrow from that sleeping man so he can take a shower before the delivery man came knocking on the door.

He approaches the peacefully sleeping Yusuke and was about to tap him awake but pauses. He sat carefully on the side and look at the man. His lips are slightly parted while his eyebrows are relaxed. He looks so innocent and approachable without the frown or the scowl. 

Sam couldn’t help but trace the eyebrows as he watches the man. He comforted himself with the thought that if it was a different person, he would still go on a great length just to make sure that person’s safe. That this man is just like every other broken person he promised to save from themselves. 

But as he caresses the cold pale cheeks of this stubborn but broken man… he didn’t know if he was lying to himself. Yusuke, as if sensing his presence snuggle closer to his hand finding comfort which tugs on Sam’s heartstrings.

This man is different.

And that thought made him snap from this insanity. He slowly retrieved his wandering hands and keep them to himself. He has no time for this. His eyes feel itchy at this moment, his heart was heavy while his gaze settles on the resting Yusuke.

And just for a fleeting moment, Sam afforded himself to imagine what would he do if his days weren’t number? If he could afford himself to be selfish enough to be like his father? To take and love someone even knowing they were about to leave them with nothing but a broken heart and empty promises?

Yet Sam was anything but that. He was his father’s repayment of his mistakes and sin. And that’s all he amounts to. So he turns around and lets Yusuke sleep and rummage the man’s room for some spare clothes. 

His eyes fell on the picture frame containing a smiling Yusuke and another man who was also equally grinning. This must be the one he’s running away from.

He sat on the still dusty bed and look at the picture for a moment. He doesn’t know why his heart felt like it was being stabbed over and over again. He shakes his head to eliminate unwelcomed thoughts, yet he couldn’t help but glare at the other man.