It's always been you

I long for you

Pain like no other twisting one's heart in an agony of endless longing.
Mistake or sacrifice? How to know what's one or the other?
Cries of silence echoing in the deepest recess of the mind.
No one can hear... no one would numb the pain.
Alone and lost... death hands stretch wide open.

I need you. I love you. I long for you.

~~~

Cotton sheets crumpled, unwashed, and all over the place. Curtains halfway open, chilling wind enters the gap of the sliding window making the room colder than it should be.

The person inside the room felt nothing. Not the coolness of the wind, the roughness of the sheet, or the emptiness of the room.

Heart beats slow like it was meant to stop at that person's will. The man in the bed was thinking if he should just stop his breathing and be done with it.

He always wonders what exactly is the feeling of someone suicidal. Despite wanting to dedicate his entire life to supporting and helping them, he never once fully understand why they wanted to end their lives.

Not many people were blessed with a long life. Some took the freedom time has given to them and couldn't appreciate its value. 

Sometimes it was a tragic comedy... the thoughts of humans. Those who have time at their disposal were desperately wanting to end it all while those who have few kept on begging and praying for more.

If only people could exchange this kind of thing with each other, then maybe everyone could be happier in this world. Those who are craving death could exchange position to a cancer patient that was on the death bed but still want to spend time with a loved one. 

It was a win-win situation for both parties. Everyone gets whatever they want and no time was wasted. If only that was the case, but it was only a fantasy.

No one can turn down what was given to him nor he could covet things that were placed out of his reach. A lot of things can be stolen to remedy that rule, however, no one can make their own time clocks tick longer than what's destined.

Everyone was destined to die. No one was spared to live a life of eternity. Not even the extremely privileged ones. Which the man sprawled on the bed can be considered a member of. 

A CEO at a young age, an adopted family that loves him despite everything, and a chance to have a legacy that will make his short life worth remembering. He was from a privileged lineage. 

There are too many people out there who had suffered the worst things in life and were subjected to the cruel reality of existence. He would sound like a hypocritical pig if he will compare his life with them.

He was blessed. But the funny thing is he was blessed with a lot of unnecessary privileges that he can do without and is willing to make a bargain to someone who could give him even just a short stick of time.

He had long accepted that what's meant to be is meant to be. A short life was better than a long one without a purpose. 

But when he realized the ideals that he had ingrained in himself were all because he hadn't still found the one thing that he would desperately want to have... then, it sounds noble at that time.