It's always been you

Till my heartaches end

Bruised heart that was still owned by you
Memories that I kept on repeating
Loving you wasn't easy
Pain, anger, desperation, and agony
They say time heal all wounds
But the one you left behind will last a lifetime
Because my heart has no choice but to beat for you
For infinity and beyond

~~~

They say first love never dies. Many people would say that their first loves were special even if time passes by and they find their true love after. For YU, Zack was indeed a person who will always be dear to his heart. However, other people also say that it was hard to get over your first love. Which was not the case for YU.

He didn't know if he was indeed the weird one or it is just that the romantic love he has for Zack has changed its form into companionship throughout the years. That's maybe the reason why he could easily swallow the fact they weren't meant for each other.

It broke his heart indeed, but he had let go and give him the chance to be with someone who was supposed to be his other half without any hard feelings. For that is the right thing to do. Because whatever happened no one should force one's feelings on another person if that person couldn't return them. No one wants to be compelled to accept one's feelings out of duress. It wasn't fair for both sides.

It was a simple type of good principle that should be ingrain in anyone's mind. It was the very same thing YU kept on repeating in his stubborn head over and over again. If only he could practice it then he would not be a crying mess for weeks. But YU had learned in a hard way that doing the right thing was goddamn harder than mining painite. 

During Sam's admission to his lack of ability to return his feelings, not once he had become impolite to him. In fact, he had apologized sincerely. He even goes into a long way of giving him time to chill for two months and went to Lyudao to avoid confronting him. He was considerate even to the point that his innate goodness would make the pain YU felt maximize instead of the other way around. 

He was friendzone. That's what happened. Or to put it accurately charity zone would have been the perfect label for what happened to him and Sam. The ever philanthropist Sam has rescued him, made sure he was back to his former healthy condition, take care of him to the point that he had misunderstood their relationship, then politely turn down his feelings.

When you are an outsider, you can see that there is nothing wrong with what Sam has done. He doesn't owe YU an explanation on why he did what he did. It was done out of his goodwill.

But life is not logical. No... the heart of a person never understands logic and common sense. When it felt the genuine warmth of someone, if it gets used to being taken care of, if it receives smiles that make it pump faster... it wouldn't reason out that it was just what a good person will do to another fellow. It would take it as something special. It will take it as love.

YU never lacked love. His father loved him and Zack never once made him felt unimportant. He had a lot of friends during his younger days. However... Sam came and he made him felt something he never felt before. His mind has been sending a red flag all along, for it knows that there is a huge chance this will end like this. But his heart never listens. Maybe because there is something about Sam that calls in his vulnerable heart. 

It wasn't something that couldn't be explained by words. There are just forces in this world that could only be felt without any kind of explanation applicable. And that's what he felt when he is with Sam. The feeling of rightness whenever their hands intertwined. The feeling of butterflies on the stomach when he hears him laugh in glee. The tightness in the heart when he watches him sleep beside him. It felt right... it felt good.