Mistake of the past came knocking on the door
What's now must be preserved
If pain is the answer then let's break each other's heart
~~~
Sam didn't know how many hours had passed. One... two... three? At this point, he doesn't care. His eyes remain closed even after Yusuke left the room with a trail of tears and after the confession that shook Sam's already brittle heart.
This day is getting more painful as he goes on. His fingers tentatively raise to softly touch the feather-like kiss of the man who left him in a predicament that will very well hurt both of them.
He was someone who always wanted to relieve other people of their pain. But now, for the first time, Sam would be inflicting pain on someone consciously.
His heart squeezes tighter as if it wanted to kill him now even before he could hurt Yusuke. Maybe that's better... maybe if he continues to close his eyes and die tonight... he would indeed be relieved from the burden of breaking the heart of the last person he wanted to hurt above anyone else.
Sam opened his eyes... his bloodshot tear stricken eyes. He doesn't want to stand up. He wanted to remain where he is as he savors the remnants of YU's scent and his warm presence. He wanted to engrave everything to his memory... that even if he died one day... that would be the memory he would bring with him to his grave.
No one knows how much he wanted to return YU's hold earlier. How much he wanted to soothe him when he was wrecked with series of sobs. He wanted to assure him that he was indeed special to him.
That he was different. That he was someone he wanted. But his will not to turn YU into another version of his father's boyfriend or the lady he just rescued earlier was much too powerful than any kind of emotion he was feeling right now. And that won.
But when he whispers the very bane of Sam's existence. When he told him he liked him... the beast of emotion has been wanting to be set free from its cage and pull YU into its selfish embrace. Wanting him to be true to himself and for once do what he was dying to do.
But you can't do whatever you want, Sam Lin. Because if you could, then this world would have been a fair place. Lin Zi Hong wouldn't have been your father and you wouldn't have inherited anything but death and sins.
Sam wipes the tear that falls from his face and swirls it between his thumb and forefinger. How many tears would YU have to shed after he's done with what he is about to do?
Sam fisted his shirt over his heart as pain from that place kept on coming as frequently as his heartbeat. He wanted to comfort himself by thinking that they only know each other for a month and a half.
That it was a too-short time for Yusuke to develop any real long-lasting feelings for him. That he was his savior and he just became attached to him because he was brokenhearted and he sees in him the comfort he was looking for. That there will be someone lucky that will come...
That stops him from his thoughts. He couldn't continue anymore as a huge bout of cries escape from him as he cradles himself.
But didn't you know, that lucky person is you? Since the first time my eyes meet yours in that hospital bed my heart already telling me it's you.
YOU ARE READING
It's always been you
Fanfictie"Loving you was the greatest mistake I've committed in my entire existence." "If I'll be reborn, let's never meet again." "I chose death because that's the only way I can unlove you." - Yang Yu Teng "Loving you was my lone saving grace in my short b...
