It's always been you

Bizarre, Uncanny, Unreal

I slip your shoes and use them to walk this reality
Rainbows and sunny field I thought it contains
Yet lonely day of turmoil is what welcomes my presence
I'll be you... you'll be me...
Going back? Running forward?
It doesn't matter for at both ends... dissolution awaits

~~~

Meeting your boyfriend's family usually ends up a bit awkward at first. When Zack first brought him home when they were in high school, he was also nervous. But his parents were too accepting and accommodating that YU felt like he was lucky. Back then it was his Oto-san who was against their relationship but both Zack and he stands their ground and melted the man's heart later on.

However, it was many years and YU was younger back then. The feeling of defiling the elders and all for puppy love sounds noble before. But now... as he aged towards adulthood it wasn't the case. Especially when the one he was in a relationship with is the man he wanted to keep till the end. It wasn't just a relationship... it was more than that. 

Putting a label to his feelings for Sam was an insult to its vast intricate details. Everything about them was too complicated and YU didn't want to mess up any steps along the way. Both of them have too much baggage, so adding parents' disapproval would be another thorn on their side.

So during the short travel time to Sam's uncle's orchard... YU was pretty agitated. He was recently turning to be so good at hiding his real emotions that now he managed to hide his nervousness behind the mask of calmness. 

Sam was not on board with bringing him here and offer to make some excuse, which touches YU's soft spot, knowing that his boyfriend will and always will choose his side. But Yusuke personally doesn't want any bad blood with Sam's parents. They are an essential part of his lover's life. He wanted them to be part of his too. 

And if... if Sam does leave him early... YU would take it up to himself to take care of his family. He looks out of the window to hide the glassiness of his gaze. He knows that maybe he wasn't capable to do that. That even that mere act of taking over Sam's familial duty was something that he will fail to accomplish because of his defect was paining YU like no other.

However, for the first time... YU finally understand what Sam felt all his life. When he fights for him and chase him seven months ago... YU was so confident that he could handle anything. That Sam's fears were superficial for he was there to catch him when he needed saving. That his fears for the future and his intense desire to make Heartbeat a success for his principles... were all just a mere hero complex.

Because now... YU fully understands how hard it is to keep everything bottle up inside him so he wouldn't bring additional hurt to his loved one. He now understands how hard it is for Sam to stop himself from truly opening up. How he must have felt when he realized his clock was running faster than other people. The endless question of why. The continuous self-blaming. The constant fear of failing. 

It was easy to say that communication is the key. That it was the right thing to do. That doing that would save both of them from misunderstanding. That it will make things easier.

But doing the right thing was long established fact of purest pain. YU realized that now he was wearing slightly similar shoes to his lover... that nothing was easy and logical when you find yourself in a situation that all you can do is to wait for that tragedy to fall on you. That even if how privileged you are... how much money you have in your pocket... or how successful you are... the one thing you badly wanted was placed out of your reach.