To remain by your side but hopeless to touch you
Painful to see what have you become after my departure
Wanting to embrace you but impossible to
Invisible I might be, please know I'm watching over you... my beloved
~~~
Eyes slowly flickering open, Sam blinks once then twice.... trying to focus his gaze on where he is. Things are jumbled and his brain felt mushy. He remembers what he did last night. Or if he will push further... what they did the other night.
Sam didn't know how mistakes and impulsive behavior of his kept on filing up despite his will to put a leash on himself. What has he done? Did he waste three months of both their agony? YU looks like he had moved on before he knocked on his door and force himself to him. If only he just rein his insane mind then everything should not turn in vain.
But his broken heart was calling out to the person he was being forced to live without. His decision of popping up unannounced on YU's doorstep was a mistake... but what happened that night... Sam wouldn't even dare to consider that as anything other than something beautiful.
He was asked before by a college friend why he doesn't want to sleep with any of the girls who are trying to hook up with him. The guy even told him that Sam's secret was safe with him. He thought Sam was gay. At that point, he didn't bother to know his sexuality nor he care. He had already dedicated his short life to his cause so anything else was just a hindrance to that. So he answered the guy that if he was indeed gay he would never hide it. There is nothing about being different from what society paints as normal that should be hidden like a dirty secret.
And if he was been born like any other people, he would have not shied away from finding his preferences and go for it whatever other people say or dictate. But unfortunately, he's not, so there is no point in thinking about what type of person he was attracted to.
Then YU came. A man he wanted but should not even think of having. He tried so hard to label his feeling for him yet it was futile until he realizes it was more than an attraction. It was love. A doomed love that was destined to fail at the beginning.
Sam wanted to be selfish even just for one night. So he took a piece of YU to keep it inside his heart till death comes to fetch him away. Once again, he had hurt the man and feed his greedy self because now he knows what he tastes like... what he felt like... what they could be... Sam was doomed to long for it for eternity.
His hazy eyes finally focus on where he is. This place is not YU's apartment. He looks around and drops his eyes to himself. He was now wearing the previously discarded dirty white shirt and pajamas. He raises his head once again and realizes after just a few seconds where the freaking heck he is.
Is this a dream?
He's currently standing across the bridge where he saved Yusuke a few months ago. Why am I here? He asked himself. Is this like a reminder to him of what will happen because of letting his selfish self win last time?
His heart tightens in fear. What have I done? He tries his best to wake up but it felt like he was stuck in this blasted dream. This kind of dream seems to happen often since that day in Lyudao.
Sam's attention was diverted to a lone figure walking on the footpath of the bridge not so far from Sam. He squints and when the guy moves slowly nearer... Sam realizes it was YU.
YOU ARE READING
It's always been you
Fanfiction"Loving you was the greatest mistake I've committed in my entire existence." "If I'll be reborn, let's never meet again." "I chose death because that's the only way I can unlove you." - Yang Yu Teng "Loving you was my lone saving grace in my short b...
