Tempted | Kai Parker

sixty six: laughter

The first little while with Caroline had been difficult.

On day one, Kai and I both had to talk Caroline down at least five times each. Every time another wave of emotion would flood into the forefront of her mind, she would get herself so worked up that she found it impossible to see any feasible way of dealing with her grief. Any way which didn't involve turning everything off.

Kai and I had to help her see that even though the agony felt consuming, and poisonous, and shutting all of that pain out felt so tempting, there were better ways of processing this. Healthier ways. 

The number of times we had to convince her she was doing the right thing gradually decreased with each day. In the next few days combined we had to calm her down less times total than we had in the first day, and she certainly bargained less as the days creeped past.

By day five, she'd come to accept that she'd made the right decision, even though she was still overcome by her grief. She mostly moped around the apartment, hiding streams of tears that she occasionally let escape, and saying as little words as she could.

I think that was what I found the strangest. Caroline was one of the most chatty people I knew, so her silence was always particularly striking. There had been so many instances where we were sitting in quiet and I'd wanted to conjure up any old meaningless conversation just to hear her voice, but I'd chided myself each time. I knew that when my father died the last thing I wanted to do was talk about something pointless. Or talk at all really. So, if she needed silence, I'd give her it. She'd do the same for me.

Kai had gone back to his work and planning as soon as she'd seemed stable enough. He'd hauled the desk from the room Caroline was now sleeping in, into the corner of our room. By the time I'd go back into our bedroom at night time, the tabletop would be cleared, all of his stuff stored in the deep drawers below the desk.

I'd noticed that there was a small lock on the drawers, but I didn't ever try and open them. I'd sort of hoped that he would trust me enough not to look that he wouldn't lock away his secrets. I didn't want to know if I was right. I tried not to think about whatever he kept in the drawers.

Another two days later, I was almost blown away by the change in Caroline. She was still upset, naturally, but she was definitely beginning to resemble her usual self a little more. She'd taken her hair out of the neat bun it had been pulled into for the last week and let it back down into flowing golden curls. She had been up and dressed before me or Kai had even startled, and as I sat with her over lunch, I was actually pleasantly surprised to hear her not only engaging in small talk but initiating it herself.

"What do you think Elena and Bonnie are doing right now?" She asked, as she scooped a spoonful of yogurt into her mouth.

My lips almost tugged into a smile just hearing her talking again, but I forced myself to keep my face relaxed.

"I dunno." I shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason." She said with a small shake of her head. "I just haven't heard from them yet today. Haven't heard from a few people for a few days, actually."

The subtle twitch in her lip as she spoke let me know there was a deeper meaning behind her conversation. Caroline always had a way of letting her emotions flood into her expression, and I could see clear as day that something was bothering her.

"Who hasn't been texting?" I asked.

She pushed out a small sigh, playing with her spoon and keeping her eyes trained on the table.

"If you were a boy, and you supposedly liked a girl, you'd make an effort to at least check in with her each day. Right?"

I instantly realised exactly who Caroline was talking about, not that it was a hard reach. I had sort of wondered if he'd spoken to her much since the funeral, but it hadn't felt right to ask.