Tempted | Kai Parker

eighty seven: normality

The next month went by quicker than I thought it would.

Each individual day still seemed to drag on, but when I looked at the date and saw it was now July, I could hardly believe so much time had passed. All of the days had seemed to roll together, weeks creeping up on me without notice.

More than a month had passed me by without Kai, and I still hadn't seen or spoken to him once. It had been by far the longest we'd ever gone without talking, and who knew how much longer it would last. Days, weeks, months. How much longer would we manage?

Caroline had been splitting her days between both of us, trying to support both of her friends as best she could. It almost felt strange to share her, but really, I was glad that she was spending time with Kai. He needed someone to keep him afloat. And if it couldn't be me - I knew it should be Caroline.

I regularly found myself asking her questions about him, wondering how he was, or how he spent his days. She'd tell me he always asked the same things about me. I often wondered if we should just cut out the middleman and meet for a civil catch up, but I wasn't really sure if it would be a good idea for either of us. From what Caroline had told me, both of us were still struggling with the breakup at times.

Sometimes I'd think I was alright. I'd shower and get ready, go for a walk in the summer sun, or I'd hang out with Caroline. I'd even find myself laughing with her, allowing small doses of happiness to bleed back into my life. The nights, however, were much worse. When it was dark and lonely, and the space in my bed where Kai should have been was painfully empty.

Most nights I'd find my fingers grazing the cold sheets beside me, forgetting what it felt like to reach out and touch warm skin. Then I'd let a few silent tears fall until my eyelids grew too heavy and fluttered closed. I'd wake up with a nagging emptiness in my chest which I would pretend wasn't there, and the cycle would start all over again.

That was the way life went without him.

Tonight the loneliness seemed to creep in earlier than usual. It was barely dark, and I found myself longing for company. I hadn't seen anyone all day, and it was Kai's night with Caroline, which took a visit from her off the table. Usually on the nights she spent with Kai, I was alright with being alone. I'd fill the silence with a movie or music. But tonight, nothing seemed to suffice. Nothing worked as a distraction.

I needed something more.

Before I'd even really thought it through, I ended up slipping my feet into a pair of sneakers and leaving my house aimlessly. I first thought of going to The Grill, but knew I'd probably end up sitting at the bar alone, which defeated the whole point of me going out. My next thoughts were of Elena and Bonnie, however, with them I knew I'd be forced into talking about my feelings. I'd have to answer endless questions and lie to them about how well I was really doing without Kai.

Frankly, I didn't feel like talking about Kai tonight. All I wanted was a distraction - maybe even a drink to take the edge off. And when I realised that, I knew there was only one logical place for me to go tonight. I ended up at the Salvatore House within minutes. If there was anyone that I could trust to avoid the topic of feelings and provide me with all the alcohol I could ever need - it was Damon.

As I walked up the long pathway to the house, my mind began to flood with memories. Mainly of the last party which had been here, right before we'd gone to Portland. In my head, I marked that night as the last one I was truly happy before things started going wrong. And painfully I wondered whether if I had just stayed home and not gone with Kai on his trip, would we still be together?

The train of thought carried me all the way to the door, where I grabbed onto the large brass knocker and tapped it against the wood. A minute later, Damon appeared in the doorway, clutching a glass of bourbon in his hand. I could've hugged him.