Tempted | Kai Parker

eighty five: alone

The only thing I could let myself focus on was the sound of the tap.

The white noise of flowing water. Water, which just a couple rooms away, was being used to scrub the traces of another man's blood from Kai's hands.

Since we'd arrived back, I'd let my head rest in my palms, cradling the mess of my thoughts as I waited on the sofa. Although, a couple times every minute I'd start to find the room around me fading away. I wouldn't be sat on the sofa anymore. I'd be shaking and cowering in Kai's family home, watching him murder another one of his siblings. The sounds of their screams split my skull. And now there seemed to be some new sounds to haunt me.

The crack and snap of Jordan's ribs. His agonising whimpers which slowly got weaker. The dull thud of Kai's kick. The word 'motus'.

I couldn't escape any of it.

I tried to focus on the sound of the tap instead, and sometimes even found it working. But then, probably only a minute or two after we'd gotten home, which had seemed like a lifetime, the noise of flowing water plateaued. It left behind silence. Silence empty enough to let all of the things I didn't want to hear pound against my eardrums, screaming at me from inside my own head.

Then I heard the slow creak of his footsteps. Hesitant and reluctant. I heard the gentle rasp of his breath, and the slams of his heart. Each of them drawing closer to me.

Then finally, all of those sounds were crashing into my ears from right in front of me.

I slowly lifted my head, managing to look at Kai for the first time since the incident. His clothes were speckled with deep maroon blood, and his knuckles torn with cuts that looked like angry red stars. When I saw his face, and his guilty look, all of the anger I felt quickly flooded back to the surface. It simmered below my skin and fired fury-filled thoughts into my brain. My tongue itched at the thought of getting to yell at him.

I just wanted to explode.

He pushed out a short breath, staying on his feet and looking down at me. "Look, I know you're angry." He began.

"Angry?" I scoffed, shaking my head. "I am not angry."

"Andie, you clearly -"

"Angry - is what I was when you left me by myself at your stupid, pretentious event." I spat, springing up onto my feet and bringing my eyes level with his. "Angry is what I was when you continually accused me of sleeping with Townes. Angry is what I was when you treated Phillip like dirt. Angry is what I was when you told me to shut up because I pointed out how rude you were being. Whatever I am now - is far more than fucking angry."

He nodded slowly and calmly, now seeming to be perfectly capable of keeping his emotions in check. And somehow, this only infuriated me more. Where was this attitude when he tossed me to the side and broke my arm, just so that he could get a few more kicks in? How could he possibly be this calm now, given how all consuming his rage had been less than an hour prior?

"I understand-"

"No, you don't understand!" I hissed, voice growing thick with raw emotions. "You have no idea how it feels to be me in this relationship. I've given up so much for you, I've endured things which I should never have had to endure - and still you don't respect me. You don't even trust me."

"I do trust you." He countered, keeping his voice a steady plain. "And of course, I respect you."

I scoffed, shaking my head at him, and feeling an overwhelming desire to scream in his face. Sometimes it felt like he wasn't really listening to me at all. Like he just had the same set of basic responses he'd reply with every time he hurt me. And every time I let it slide. I let love skew my self worth.