We've all been here.

Pain is There, But so Am I

I'm writing this right now cause I feel the pain more than ever yet I've gotten used to it and the pain I feel physically is reduced. Seriously, I should get some sleep and fix my body clock, HAHAHAHAHHAHA. Man I feel like the main character in anime, but cooler. I may sound like a nerd, but let it be. It's rare for me to experience this. It's not everyday you get to see me enjoy the pain, but that's probably because you don't live with me. Some people think I'm a monster for being like this, heh, if that's what they think then go ahead. I don't care how you view me, I'll always say who I really am. My mind is always at war with my very being, my soul, my heart... People say the heart and mind are the same, but they are not. If you know God and read the Bible then you understand what I'm talking about, if not I recommend reading Proverbs in The King James version of the Bible. If you think I'm a fake then that's what you think. To be honest I probably am, yet I'm always given a chance, and I'm thankful for that. God is very much real, it's only my mind that thinks the opposite. I can always hear the voice between my heart and mind. Call me crazy if you want, but I am sure. To be honest most of the time I know what's right, but don't choose to do it so I can spare myself the pain, but later on I'll just regret it. Most of this pain comes from the inner parts of my mind, but because I'm weak I gave in and let it get to my heart and that's why my mind cam hurt me. These stupid thoughts that always bother me with nothing but discouragement, anxiety, despair, agony and more. The Bible says that helping others fix their selves, while you can't even help yourself is being a hypocrite, which is true. What's the use in pretending? I try to hide my pain and deny it's there that's why I keep getting worse. I keep relying on people who do want to help me, but I don't want to help myself. True there are those in my history who don't want me and just want me gone, but in reality I'm just using that as an excuse to escape what I need to do, and I just end up making my suffering more miserable. Suffering, pain, trials, and tribulations are there, but that dosen't mean you can't enjoy it them and have peace in the midst of it all. So what if I am going through a breakup? I'll get through it, it's not the end of the world, it's not my end, it's only the beginning of something beautiful. The strong aren't born strong, so I'll keep going through life's ups and downs and keep learning from it. I'm gonna walk in an hour or two, but I'll probably write again, ranting, being thankful, with realizations or whatever. Oh, by the way don't forget God loves you, even of you don't feel. How can I say this? It's something I don't base it of feeling because it's something I know and that's not a fact that's the truth. You just need to see it and accept it.