We've all been here.

Last Christmas

It's almost that time of the year again eh? What do you want for Christmas? Because all I want for Christmas is you! Nah I'm just kidding you never wanted me in the first place. Ouch that hurts. 

Now with all of that out of the way let's get to the point. Christmas for most people around the world is the best holiday, but let's get one thing straight valentine's day is not a holiday it's a stupid day where people show public day of affection and brag about this and that, and it is the worst day of the year, well at least for me it is. Now back to the story for real this time hahaha. Now, where was I? Ah yes, Christmas, now you see I had very bad timing in the past. For example about some time in the past I broke up with someone who used to be very special and was the only person I could tell my feelings in the entire world, but I saw this someone with my bff on Christmas Eve in the town plaza so that night I went home eating my entire fridge out and with a little pent up energy. The next day I thought everything was gonna be okay, but then suddenly the special someone started exposing all of my secrets to everyone I knew then that's when everything really changed. I had very few friends after that. Heh, funny how people are eh? I guess Last Christmas really is my theme son, also I wanna watch the movie version of that, I heard it's really good. 

I can love you, but I can't love myself. I've always hated myself and until now I still do, just a little less now. Some might even call me crazy, but what can I say? It's how normal people will see me if they ever saw my lifestyle. My pain tolerance is very physically and emotionally, and I'm not saying that to put you down. Sometimes it's gets to the point where I keep punching that cement wall that my fists are bleeding, but I still keep going. I have no idea why I do this, but I think my mind just wants to let out al this pent up energy that my body just goes into overdrive. Just to be clear this isn't a good thing okay? Just because you can't feel pain dosen't mean it's a good thing. Pain is good teacher if you listen to it. You get me? You have to let pain teach you a lesson. Shutting it out with tears all the time isn't going to help if you exert effort into becoming okay. Like I said you don't have to stay sad forever. You've got two ways, you've got today, and you've gotta do what the heck you say. Don't get used to keep saying you want to do something yet not do it. Just don't do it if you know it's not good. I'm gonna end it here for now. It's difficult to be cold, lonely, pained, sad, and unable to even say it.