We've all been here.

I Don't Know

Most of you probably know what the word "family" means, but me? I'm sorry to say I don't know what it means. I'm gonna get into to detail why I don't know because I'm just gonna be depressed as I explain and I don't want that. Most of you reading this probably don't have work because you didn't do stupid stuff like me, but for me I don't want to do something when my parents are involved. I used to love school, but then just when I had a church family, friends who I could trust and love me even when I'm at my worst, a father figure... My so called "dad" got involved. He said, "You can help your church's ministry but you can't spare time for your family on Sunday!" To be honest I could understand why he got mad, but he never showed that he was my father. He never showed he loved me, never gave importance to my birthdays, he made me work so I could prove that I deserved to go to Lighthouse which by the way was the best school ever that I have ever gone to without a doubt. I'm not saying that because it's easy there cause it's isn't for someone like me, but I'm saying that because of the people there and because they discipline me more like a an actual child than an employee whose under paid and mistreated. At first I didn't care, but when he called the people there useless like my pastor, my teachers, and most importantly my friends, and my church family that, that's when I cracked.

I'm sure most of you can relate to me and that's why I'm here to tell you that's it's okay to cry when you need to. If you don't want to cry that's okay too. Just don't make the same mistake me! I knew I could talk to my friends and they would listen especially my best friend girl and I knew she would understand, but, but here's the biggest mistake of my life. I didn't, I didn't talk to them, I started to hide my pain by bringing them to McDonald's and Winger Winger. I started becoming a the corny one among us, but still all the time I spent and effort I spent was on the wrong thing. I could've easily told one of them how I felt when we went together to grab a bite at McDonald's, but still I didn't instead of telling them the truth I became plastic. I started to get jealous of them because of their parent's and the life they had instead of focusing on how I could be a good friend.

I'm sure most of play games for fun, but if you are like me who play games to escape reality, to have something you have there that you don't have world, and to keep yourself occupied from the fact that you are the problem and those around you, them you better stop while you can... Because I spent most of time trying to escape from the problem instead of telling God. Because God does already know everything, but He won't do anything unless I tell Him exactly what my problem is. I kept doing my own solutions instead of doing the one thing a real Christian was supposed to do, study the Bible and pray to God. You may be wondering why? Oh I'll tell you why. The Bible really is the best book on Earth for everything if you study it properly. I'm not being religious, this isn't a fact because facts change, this is the truth. I could've found my answer years ago if I really cared about God at all. Whether you choose to believe in God or not is not my choice it's yours. If I were you I would consider doing research on God, but I'll write about that topic some other time.

I hope I've been of some help to you. I'm still gonna keep adding more parts on this book. So I guess this isn't a short story anymore, but I hope you'll at least find this whoever you are. Just know that you aren't alone! God is there even when you don't feel it, trust me I know I speak from experience. Anyways I'll see you in the next part!