We've all been here.

3 Years and Counting

Hey you! Yeah you! You ugly Australian! Nah, I'm just kidding... Or am I? Anyways thanks for being there with me for the past 3 years. Lah umiiyak ka na ano? dejk HAHHAHAHAHA. Iyakin ka kasi eh dejk. Alright let's get right into it. Early 2019 enemies who hated each other and wanted nothing to do with each other, nothing much happened. Mid 2019 you flew to Australia and we started to be friends and started talking to each other more often. Every night we'd call and get to know each other better and you'd keep abusing me and calling me the "human diary" until 2020. If you ever meet her in real life run for your life. OK? ok... There are no secrets you hide from me, yet you still don't anything about and still trying to know more and "annoy" me. It's 2021 and we don't call as much anymore but are starting to again. I know your highs and lows but don't ever forget to ask me for advice. It's been 3 years that I've been giving you advice but it seems like you can't always exactly give me advice, but that's fine. Your very existence and friendship we have helps me more than enough. I've go no other friend like you and I've got no one else that can understand what I've been through the last 3 years. I'm glad God gave me a friend like you even you are the worst person on earth. Nah just kidding. I know how you've felt in your highs and lows but you haven't exactly know how I am and what my thought process is in my highs and lows. You wanna know what I think all the time especially in my highs and lows right? Well I think to myself there's no hope and there will probably never be. I do my best? Good, but not so good for me. I feel abandoned and I have been abandoned by many people who have been important to me for these past 3 years, but I remember that even in the midst of all that God never abandoned me. He has always been there to care for me, love me, and He's always been there to give me forgiveness, it's just simply a matter of asking Him and letting Him back in. Then He reminds me of how I've got a friend, I've got you. Even if I am alone and I know everyone has abandoned me I know you're there. I can always count on you to care for me. Why? Cause I know you care for me. I'm sure you know I care for you too, but never think that I don't know and won't remember that you care for me too. I know you want to help me so much, but now you know. You've always been helping me these past 3 years and still are. You wanna know why I don't wanna give up? If I give up, whose gonna be your human diary? Whose gonna be there for you? I know God will be there, but I don't wanna waste the friendship God gave me with you. Kahit jinojke kita minsan na "bobo ka" HAHAHAHAHA. Babawas bawasan ko din yan. I can't begin to imagine how many times we've both been at our worst and kept getting times even more worst than what we've experienced before, but still I'll be there. You always wanted to be there for me. Heh, you've always been there caring for me in my thoughts and in my heart. I can't even begin to count how many times you've said "I LABYU ELLLIOTTTTTTTTTTT!!!" But it helps me. I love you too, I just don't really show you. I couldn't have asked for a better best friend. Dosen't matter how many you'll breakdown, I'll still keep having time to help you rebuild so the next time you'll be stronger. I know how it feels it breakdown. I'm gonna be honest with you every week I have a breakdown and my mind goes crazy, but I can give it to God. I know it's hard to do that but I'll be here as long as I live to help you give it to God. I know you haven't gotten a break from relationships the past year and I haven't been able to find anyone for the past 2 years but I know how much heartbreaks hurt. I'm sure you know that I've gotten to the point where my heart was broken so much that I literally had heart and chest pains and problems. But still even if the physical pain is gone the emotional wounds are still bleeding inside of us. I know you know I'm there to help and sometimes you can't put it into words, but I'll say this again never forget that I've been there to help you carry you're burdens and I'll keep being there. I know that carrying that kind of burden alone is enough to cause problems for the entirety of life, but I never carry my burdens alone as much as you think I do. God takes away my burdens and cares as long as I give to Him and He gave me an annoying person like you too. Spending the years together, growing older every day. I feel at home when I'm around you and I'll gladly say again. I hope the encore lasts forever, now there's time to spend and it's sublime with you my best friend. My dear friend you don't have to be a hero to save the world. It dosen't make you a narcissist to care for yourself and make time for God. It feels like nothing's easy, it won't always be, but that's alright, let it out, talk to me. You don't have to be a prodigy to be unique, because you already are. Even when times get more harder and tougher so will our friendship and it's like an amazing piece of our friendship you know? Nothing quite beats being with you heh. We've both got our solos in the song of our friendship. There moments when we are offbeat and we've both lost our song. But when we're together and even if we've both got no song in us. When I'm alone I start falling into pieces. It's hard to make yourself believe that it'll get better when you feel defeated and carrying on is easier said than done. It took a while to see that I was in need of help from somebody else but you keep reminding me that I'm not the only one. Now I get to sit down and I'm happy to admit now, I'm on my way It seems I'm not invincible, but I'm bored of the pain and I need to explain. There will always be a part of me that's holding on and still believes that everything is fine and that I'm living a normal life, but until you sits me down and tell me why I'm different now I'll always be the way I always am. You always say that I'm considerate and helpful even I don't believe myself. But I know I'll always be the same considerate and helpful person you always talk about. I'll always be the same. I'm not that strong physically, emotionally, and mentally, but you don't believe that do you? Always remember true strength comes from God soph. Choosing to meditate and obey His Word everyday and every night is strength. Choosing to give God's love even you aren't receiving love from anyone. Giving a damn about people even when they don't give care in the world about you. How do you do this? Simple, just trust God with all your mind/soul, your thoughts. Whatever anxiety or things you're thinking about big or small, give it to God. Can't trust Him with our life if we can't trust Him with our everyday worries. Trust Him with all your heart, your emotions. Whatever emotions you have good or bad, give it to God. He wants your burdens and whatever is troubling your heart because He cares for you. Trust Him with all your strength, your body. Work hard for God because you love Him and you will find purpose. Same thing with loving Him. Love Him with all your heart, mind, and body and you'll be able to show His love to others. If it wasn't for God I certainly wouldn't be able to love you the best way even though I just don't really show it. You have no idea how much I pray for you and care for you too. I care enough to want to write this to you so I can help you. I care enough to try to be in a call with you everyday cause I know if you're all alone all the time you'd be in a state of anxiety and start thinking about the problems with yourself. Self-hatred used to be so close to my heart, but now that I've met my Dgroup, I've been brought back to God. I have no idea how far and how much I'll write, but I do know one thing I've always looked for, connection. No, not wifi connection, connection with someone who fully understands me. "Connection" A word most people know, understand, and think they have, but they really don't have it at all. I've tried searching for that connection in games, things, and in people, in relationships, but I've never bothered to connect with God in that search. As the years went by I've come to realize that I can get those connections, but it will only be the right connection if the whose giving it to me is the right one. I've come to realize that God wants to connect with me so that He can connect me with right people, friends, and soon a relationship. Which why I can never accept the fact that we will never be the bestest of friends in all of my life. We already are and I sure am glad God connected me to you.No one human quite knows my darkness, problems, and emotions like you. You help me confront my greatest fear, the fear of myself. Nothing quite scares me more than myself and the fact that I can easily go back to being that dark and cold person, no, not person, monster. That monster that hurts everyone around him and push them away, the one who just wants to kill everything. That thing that easily hurts the important people in my life. That monster that can easily break you. I used to spend everyday in fear and avoid you cause I couldn't control myself at all completely the past years. I've always showed hopelessness to everyone, family and friend alike and they all got fed up with me. But there was one person who always saw past me. One person who understood me and always kept telling me that deep down I'm that hero that comes to save the day and give help to her. Without you realizing it you were already showing God's love to me even in the hardest of times of my life. God saved the day, saved my life with your help. If wasn't for God giving me a friend like you I probably wouldn't be here alive writing this now. You're also one of the biggest reasons why I wanted to go through therapy and go to a Dgroup. You made me realize that running away from the problems ain't going to do anything. I have to be the one willing to do it. You always to chose to be my friend even when you were tired. Thank you for that, thank you for being there. Grabe napapaiyak na ako sa part na toh ahh. I've come to realize after all these years that I can't control the way I want my life to go. Things won't go my way, but instead I've learned to do things God's way. My life belonged to God in the first place, so I'm just giving it back. I know it's hard to give your everything for someone and not be hurt. But God said that if you gave Him your everything, He'll give you back every blessing and promise in the Bible, and everything you gave back to Him a hundredfold more. Some people think they've found their purpose in their jobs and relationships, but true purpose is in God. Most people know what it means to live for God, but don't live for God. So continue working harder for God. I'll keep working hard for God and I'll be here to help you whenever I can. The joy you find in God is forever, but the joy you find in this world is only temporary. The more we can grow in God, the more we can excel in hard times. The more we can rise when the world is bringing us down. Right now people want to give up on school and waiting for relationships, but God called us there. I know it's hard and tiring to be a student and be patient, but give your all for God. You will have peace and joy as long as you're focused on God. Chase after God soph. Wherever He is go there. Whether it be in church, school, the Bible, find Him there and give Him your all, love Him with your all. You wanna know why I want to do search and rescue? Because that's part of my calling. I want help search for people and bring them to God and I want to help rescue the people who need to be saved from anxiety, depression, suicide, sin in short. You'll be dong that soon too. It's every Christian's calling, and don't forget we also need destroy the things that lay hold on us and replace God in our hearts. We need to take those things away. I hope you think of me high, I hope you think of me highly whenever you're around other people. I know that most people don't like me for brutality and how I pierce others with words. Remember what it says in Ecclesiastes 4:10-12? "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." In short it's saying that two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. This verse describes our friendship a lot. We're stronger together. We pick each other up when one falls, when one of is cold and alone the other is there to give warmth and love, when I stand alone I am easily defeated by myself, but with you beside we are soldiers who are standing back-to-back. Who is the third? Well simple, it's God. When both of us fail, when we're both cold, when we're defeated God is there to help both of us back up. There's nothing in this world that could take away God's love from us. God is with us ever step of the way. It's because of God's unending love we can have this unending friendship. God is able, He will never fail. Going through all those failures and suffering is what made this friendship a success, stronger, and the greatest friendship I've ever had with a human being. I can be a liar, I can be cheat, I can be neurotic , I can be a freak, I can be everything in between ,but you always find best part, the best part of me. Some days I know get out of hand I wish that I was anybody else I'm a wreck but you understand. I can't take myself I'm just not well. My own worst enemy. I can be a liar, I can be cheat I can be neurotic , I can be a freak I can be colder than a rolling stone you know I hate it when I'm left alone, but you still find the best part in me. Bad days alone are the worst. Bad days together are the best. I could keep going on and on about how much you've helped me and all but I don't there would be enough time and words to describe it for me. I don't how long it'll take for you to finish this but thank you. Thank you for being there and being by my side all these years. It dosen't matter how many years will pass by, you'll always be an unforgettable friend to me. Be proud soph. You've come this far and you've grown so much after 3 years of our friendship. I know you'll never stop being annoying and trying to reach out to me. I can always count on you to do that. I'll be here to always discipline and sermon you all the time. You can count that too. I don't know if you'll be crying by the end of this, but you'll probably be crying. You always do whenever I upload something heavy. Don't forget God loves you the most. Welp, 3000 words for 3 years.

Love you soph,
-bestfriend/human diary