We've all been here.

Save Me From Myself

Ever wanted to go through a lot pain just so people can't say that "Don't feel bad, I've been through worst"? Just me? Most of the time I just feel as if I'm not allowed to feel suffering just because someone suffered worst. But to be honest if I went back to the past, I would've made myself go through worst so I could understand people more. But at the same time it's not worth going back there. I'm writing this while in Tagaytay in a van on the road where I'll spend the night. Why? I just wanna take a break from all this junk for a day at least. Am I hurting? Yes, yes I am. Like I said I'm the most forgettable person there is. I've been hiding the pain from people and keeping the tears in. Heh, can't still do what I tell others and myself to do. Only this time I gave it to God. So yeah, not everyone needs to know about me. I still feel all this hurt and depression, but I'll get better. I'm trying to find motivation to write and exercise again. There are a lot of things that I've been feeling for a long time, but can't seem to find the words. Well, now I've found some words. "You can think that you're in love when you're really just in engaged. You can think that you're in love when you're really just in pain." I've always wanted to think I love someone when there is still so mich pain I try to hide. It's a good thing I didn't attach myself too much to her this time, but still the pain is there. It's better for me to be alone tham drag people down with me. But still... I really wanna just love and be in a relationship, but that's not a good idea. I'd rather just not say anything anymore until this is fixed. Until I'm saved from myself. It's better to be forgotten than to forget my pain then when all is done and we don't work out, to remember this pain and to add to it even more... My heart hurts a lot and it starting to get to me. I just want to stop messing myself up. I just need to let God save me from myself. To save from my thoughts, my demons, from myself...