We've all been here.

Therapy Session

I always feel that I'm not living right, it's okay the pastor and everyone else said. Then explain to me why my chest and heart still hurts. My studies are getting worse, but, I've got time to play games and write stuff like this. What if who I hope to be wasn't anyone but just me? What if the damn love I keep looking for and writing about trying to find was always free? How do you picture me, ah? Want me to smile, you want me to laugh? You want me to walk in the stage with a smile on my face? When I'm mad and put on a mask, for real though I mean, what you expect from me? I'm tryna do this respectfully they say that life is a race I knew my problems'll probably catch up eventually, I do my best to be calm. These are the parts of my life that'll never see I am not here for acceptance I don't know what you expect here, but what you expect when you walk in a therapy session, huh? Hide my medals inside the closet, I just can't explain it my mom she tells me that she's proud and thinks that I should hang 'em, but I just leave 'em on the ground right next to my self-hatred. Mental health, where's my mental health? Diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, PTSD, what does that mean? Well, gather 'round That means I obsessively obsess on things I think about. That means I might take a normal thought and think it's so profound. I've got damn ADHD trying to get attention in hopes I can get someone to see me cause every time I try to open up and say how I feel the damn heart and chest pain triggers then I remember the past and all my bad things and just like that boom PTSD. I wanna be left alone but not by myself. Do I have problems in the head? Yes I do and I don't know how to fix I keep trying everyday I keep trying to be nice yet I keep being that one who just wants kill everyone I just wanna burn everything I just wanna recognized I just wanna be seen I just wanna find someone who sees me the way I see myself so they can understand me. Not just always "You're negative" yes I am, but do you even bother to understand why I am like this? No, see that's what I thought. Tell me what am I doing here if I'm not even being real?