I just want to be me. It's always like this, "be like this, do that, be like your brother, your abnormal, paranoid, be like this person." I'm so tired of always being someone else and never being able to relax as myself. I'm so tired of being judged. "Why is your music taste like this? Why are you always like this? Why are you talking about depression when you have everything stupid. You can't be depressed or sad your just being dramatic. Paano pamilya mo sa future mga anak mo?" Ayaw ko mag pamilya kung magiging ganito lang rin. Fyi I speak Tagalog sometimes when I'm too frustrated to translate it to English so bear with me.
Why is that everybody else has got good parents and bad kids, but the people like me always have to do what their parents want them to do regardless of how broken we are. Like c'mon man, can't we just be ourselves instead of being some robot you want to design the you want it exactly. I know that I'm alive, but it dosen't feel like that anymore. "Research this and learn how to make it. I don't care if you don't want to do it useless. Put your time and effort here stop being selfish and do it. Stop thinking about yourself all the time." It's really so stupid man. I can't think about myself because I have to make sure my research is thorough and works so I can keep this stupid job my dad gave me so I can have money and not ask from them so they don't have anything against me money wise.
So what if I'm a failure at my studies and I'm behind by two years, just give me my modules already so I can prove you wrong. I'm so tired of everyone here in this place. I messed up in the past okay? Now can we just move and let me be me. Stop pressuring me and start encouraging me. It's always full of negative reinforcement instead of giving me some positive aspects. "You can't write a book you're bad in English subjects and speech class. I'm an English Major, but you're so bad in English? Di ka ba nahiya?" CAN YOU STOP PUTTING ME DOWN WITH YOUR STANDARDS AND ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I'M NOT THAT GOOD IN THAT CLASS. I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE MY MOM OR DAD I WANT TO BE ME IN THE FUTURE I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE EITHER OF THEM.
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We've all been here.
عشوائيWe've all been here, but have really accepted the situation and did something to change it instead of eating junk food and spoiling ourselves with self-pity? Follow me as I do my best give you advice on these things. Now I may not be your psychiatri...
