We've all been here.

Crash/Fly

Ever had one of those weeks or months where you just knew, "Yep I'm gonna crash myself by working myself till I get tired" and start having thoughts that cause you to breakdown while working but you can't breakdown properly and the stress and pressure of works burdens you even more to the point where you just put you're music up at a hundred percent and max your volume on your computer/phone? Because I have and it really sucks the part that sucks the most is the fact that I was the one who caused myself to crash. There's also the added worry if you're in a relationship with someone or if you're at a mutual understanding with someone. You start to think, "If I can't handle myself how much more her? I can't always be that person she fell for, the she looks up to. I can't look up with all these failures bring me down." Then after all of these thing you begin to hate yourself again and start to go in a waltz of chaotic emotions and can't think straight anymore. Then you start holding on to whatever materials things you have or hold on to people you have, but what happens when those things are gone, when she's not in your life anymore? Yep, you guessed it, you lose hope and have nothing left to hold on to. Then you remember your friends and ask them for help, but they can't give you the help you need. What happens when your family can't help you too? Well, you crash into a wall of pain then fall into despair. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation before. Well, let me tell you then. Most people get here by not doing their work first, but for me it was a sudden plunge into work, if I focused on God instead of panicking I wouldn't have broke down and be stressed and pressured by my work. What do I mean by this? Well if meditated on God's Word day night more before then I would have been prepared for this, but because I spent my time doing other things and prioritizing other things instead of God, this is what I get. God did not do this to me, I did. Because I didn't meditate on His Word day and night I wasn't prepared and I just suffered the consequences of my own actions. Then I'm pressured by the fact that I have someone but I really don't. In the first place I can't really say she's mine and I have to also remember that God comes first before anything. But because I was too focused on her I was worrying about something I don't even have the privilege if worrying about. I was too focused on the relationship that I forgot about my relationship with God. I can be the person she looks up to as long as I put God first and love Him instead of depending on my own strength to maintain it. No one is exempted from experiencing emotions that may cause chaos, but I responded the wrong way. Because I didn't let God take my burdens, because I didn't let God in, I instead let all these chaotic emotions in with sin and that's what caused me to go into that waltz of chaotic emotions. People may not always be able to understand you, but remember, God does. God is there, you just need to let Him in and hold on to Him instead of holding on to things that will only bring pain and suffering in the end. Why did I crash into the wall of pain and fall into despair? Because I did not acknowledge God in all my ways and did not trust in Him with all my heart, soul, and mind. By doing this I was shutting God out and He wasn't able to help me. Remember God will never force Himself on anyone. That's why I lost direction in my life and crashed into a wall of pain and fell down into despair.

But still, even after this all had happened God was still there for me. It made me realize that how I spend my time is how get a value depending on how I spend it,either I gain value or lose value. If spend it on God I gain everything cause I have God and don't lose anything. If I spend it on other things then the only I'll get is sin and the consequences of it. Keep in mind I'm not talking about just an hour of our time, I'm talking about all the time. Choosing to be indifferent and stand out as one of God's children, as a Christian all the time and not just going with the flow of the situations and emotions.