FATE

11 - Regret

I stutter my eyes open for to the buzzing sound of my phone. Damn that alarm clock. I felt like sleeping more.

My head was pounding with serious headache. I pick up my phone and see several notifications of missed calls from Tessa and Nancy. In total, they called me fifty times.

Jeez, where the hell was I last night?

Suddenly last night events replayed in my head, nothing seemed blurr. It was so vivid like it was happening right before my eyes.

I had sex.

A tear trickled down my eyes.

Why? Why? Why couldn't I keep yourself till marriage???

What was I going to tell my parents?

I immediately jumped off the bed. I didn't need to see who it was that I gave my virginity. I knew it was him.

I quickly slipped into the dress that caused me so much trouble, picked up my purse and every other thing.

I didn't bother to wash my face, I just wanted to go home and sleep. And then wake up to realising that this was a horrible dream. It was too deep a scar.

I walked out of the room, and out of the house and hailed a cab immediately.

I was in deep thoughts crying at the same time. I only wanted to enjoy life for once.

Was this how Nancy and Tessa felt on thier first time?

I'm so sure the answer is a no.

I feel so horrible right now. Women wake up with butterflies in their belly after their first time, on thier wedding night. They would be on the arms of thier husband's recalling the nights events.

Mine was so wrong. It happened at the wrong time.

I recalled Tessa's warning, and Nancy's bad feeling about this whole alcohol thing.

In a nutshell, this whole thing was my fault.

I brought my own downfall upon myself.

Nancy and Tessa didn't force me to this party, I chose to attend.

They didn't force me take alcohol, I made that choice.

I chose to break the rule.

I chose to sin against God.

I could've continued being the good girl that I was. Afterall, it wouldn't kill me.

Guilt was eating deep into me, I felt horrible.

I was a sinner.

I knew that this one incident will leave a scar.

I knew that it had opened up a new chapter of my life.

I had to face the consequences that can me with the pleasures of sin.

God I am so sorry, I begged.

I'm sorry.

Pls forgive me.

If only I could turn the hands of time, so many things could have been avoided.

I blame myself.

Not Lemuel.

I led him on.

I couldn't even see him now, I was ashamed, stripped of my dignity, pride and garment.

I was a disgrace to God, myself, my family, the entire African society.

"Madam, madam," the driver tapped me.