FATE

33 - SINS

I ran into my compound, excited and full of joy. I've never felt this happy.

It was late and the evening was old but we spent the young evening together at the beach. I just released myself, playing in the water with Lemuel. The beach was empty because it was Monday. I spent the rest of the evening, resting my head on his shoulders with his strong arms wrapped over me. We leaned on his car, enjoying the cool breeze as we whispered, cuddled and giggled. We said nothing in particular to ourselves.

Holy shit! My dad was in the bar drinking.

Why did it have to be so stressful to pass through the second floor?

I thought I should just run upstairs but I knew he would see me.

"Should you be returning home by this time?" His brows were creased and I noticed the eyebags under his eyes. He just dropped his glass on the bar counter.

"You know you shouldn't be drinking dad." I said in attempt to avoid the question.

I moved closer to him and sat by his left hand, carefully placing my bag on the counter.

"I'm sorry, I just can't help it." He shrugged and filled his glass.

He was drinking Johnny Walker. And to tell you the truth I hated seeing my dad like this. One thing he taught us his children was to be strong but right now he looked so weak and vulnerable. I pitied him.

"Why did you do it?"

This is a question I have  wanted to ask for eighteen years now.

"Why," I breathe out shakily. Tears were starting to form in my eye.

"Why did you have to put us through all this trauma for years. Do you know what you've done to this family? This home is broken."

"It was just one sin and God never forgave me for it. Not even your mom."

I scoffed wiping a tear that dropped to my face.

"Cynthia is not a mistake.." I corrected.

It took a lot of courage for me to say that my half sister who was partly the cause of my problems was not a mistake.

I guess I had grown to love her.

"I loved your mom you know but she never showed that she loved me back. She kept pushing me away and over the years we grew apart. Lilly have you ever been in love with a person who never loved you?"

I was startled. My dad looked straight into my eyes searching for an answer.

"I know someone." I answered coldly and poured myself some drink.

Lemuel.

I'd have said myself but what I had with Oscar was more like an obsession. What I have with Lemuel is different. It's ...

"So you should know what it is. I needed  comfort. I'm a man and I need a woman. Someone who'll be there for me. I needed care and most importantly love. And then I met Tamara and then we had Cynthia...but it was never what I had with your mom."

"Can you hear yourself dad? You taught us to be strong. You could have been strong for yourself, your children, for your family dad. How do  you think we feel?You think it's easy for mom, any of us? When mom pushed you away the right action wss to be strong. Instead of being selfish and looking for love you could have showed mom and your children love. We needed you and mom the most." I yelled.

Anger, anger was flooding me.

I was angry at my dad and he needed to know.

"All these was years ago. I'm sorry."

"Don't just sit there and say you're sorry. Get up and fix your mess like a real man will do. We're all in pains. Fix this dad." I begged with tears in my eyes.

I wanted the old Johnson family, not this new one.

"How can I redeem my sins?"

I swallowed my own shot. You know I never thought this day would come. When I would have a drink with my dad.

"I don't know dad. We all sin and it will end up catching up with us."

I had sinned too.

Holy hell! Why did I say that?

My sin with Lemuel, no matter how I tried to hide it, it was still going to meet up with me. I was going to face the consequences somehow, even if God has forgiven me.

"Never mind dad."

"You sure."

"Yh. There's a way this family can be one, better than the way it was."

As difficult as it seemed, it was possible.

"Loving mom. Being our real dad and not the chairman who's always stuck up with business. Making Tamara know that she is not your wife."

I looked into his bloodshot eyes.

"I'll try, for you."

"Do it dad, like the way it used to be."

"Sometimes I wonder why I have a daughter like you. You love me after all I put you through."

"Its okay dad, we're in this together."

And then we hugged.

It was so good, having a father to daughter hug after eighteen years.

We pulled apart and my dad planted a kiss on my forehead.

"I love you Lilly."

"I love you too dad." I smiled and stole a kiss on his cheek that made him giggle.

"Cheers to new beginnings."

"To new beginnings," I raised my glass to his and we downed the shots.

It's a new beginning.