The Cursed Sons of Dionysus

The very real fear of loss

Loss
NOUN
(lɒs  , US lɔːs  )
1. VARIABLE NOUN
Loss is the fact of no longer having something or having less of it than before.
2. VARIABLE NOUN
Loss of life occurs when people die.

He finally managed to lead you to a quiet place,
Christmas songs still played vaguely into the night, the moon hung low over the both of you illuminating both your faces. Jin's eyes tore through your soul, but for once his eyes danced with life, there was no wall guarding them. He was just your Jin.

At last, Jin got to say the simple words he had yearned to say to you. The words were always waiting at the tip of his tongue, waiting for the right time. The words were so simple but it was always so difficult to convey the sincerity of the heart. Such simple words, yet so much at stake.

"I am sorry." 

The night become empty, the carols faded away completely as if respecting wishes for complete privacy but also understanding that this was important.

"I am so sorry, I was only supposed to be your guide and help you reclaim your throne and instead I fell in love with you."

Stars watched from above at their goddess and the god who saw himself as a scoundrel, they could only encourage the goddess and their lover silently as she reached out to hold her lover's face. Being held by you felt like finally getting home after a long journey.  He hadn't known where he was going, he had no maps or compass, but when he had finally returned, beaten and downtrodden it was like you were waiting at the front door ready to welcome him back.

Welcomed him back?

Why did it feel like his journey was a full circle? Your eyes danced with joy and salvation was written on your lips as you smiled.

"I love you Jin," you told him. "I loved you back then and I love you now and I will always love you"

Those words tugged at your heart, something bitter bloomed on your tongue. The words filled you with peace but simultaneously feeling foreboding started to rear its head once again. Jin had told you all he knew but there were things about the both of you he didn't know. There was so much more to your stories.

"I've looked for you my whole life and I've found you and you're here and you're mine."
You told him.

Jin loved you. Not only because you were beautiful. It's because you saw him as himself, he didn't have to stand tall, back straight around you. He could be Jin. Not Jin the god, but Jin a being, he could cry in front of you. He could make a mistake and you would forgive him wholeheartedly. You got angry at him, you cursed at him with a passion so admirable and so authentic. He loved you because you had faced his darkness and looked it in the eye and could still smile at him with that smile of yours. He loved you because you cared so deeply for him and his brothers. He loved you because you were you. All he ever needed and all he ever wanted was you like this. He had loved you for such a long time. Longer than maybe he knew.

That was the most beautiful thing about life. It was the blessing of falling in love. Jin knew that of course after all he was a god of love. He answered many prayers on the subject taking it for granted not understanding what it really meant. Now as he wandered into your eyes and saw the universe in full he understood fully what love was. It was not something so simple but it was something he wanted to experience even if it threatened to destroy him.

"I love you, Astra." His voice was gentle, he held you close almost cradling you. "I love you so much that it hurts sometimes. I love you so much my Queen...so please don't leave me this time."

His body felt so good against yours, your skin started to tingle and all your nerves fired off at once, you stifled a small moan, inhaling his scent. You wished you could say it was simple lust. It wasn't. You wanted to offer your body to him, all of it. His hands felt perfect on you as they rested heavily on the small of your back, that's where the tingle was concentrated. You willed him to bypass your clothing and touch your skin that yearned for him.