Healing a broken heart

Pity party for one

Chapter 101

ELLAPOV

"You look like death warm up."

"Well, thanks a lot asshole. Like I need reminding."

"Okay, we'll head back tonight."

"Don't be like that, come on in." I say that Sean and the rest of the family come in I get a hug from them him. "Oh look at your babies hello Savannah and Patricia."

"Babe why don't you go lie down you do look awful."

"Thank you, Lauren, I'm sorry I'm not much of a host and Norman'll be back later tonight probably late as he said he had a night shoot dammit excuse me." I had to run to the bathroom here thankfully there are several in this house I made it just in time. There was a knock on the door.

"Babe you okay? Need any help."

"I want this to stop." I say as I open the door. "You guys don't even get gently led into this I'm so sorry if you can't stand it I'd understand if you left."

"Hey we aren't leaving we promised Norman and we keep our promises. Come on let's get you to bed."

She takes me to bed.

"What do you need? I know what you need I'm going to look through your collection grab you some movies and we'll have a girl's day Sean can look after the kids and I'll grab a bucket."

"I want this over. How can he look at me? I'm horrible I'm so skinny Lauren, I can't stand myself and my kids don't deserve me, what kind of mom am I?"

"Hey, you're doing the best you can. Your kids need you. Do you want them to grow up without you? Do you want Norman to replace you? Because you stop this treatment that's what'll happen. Cancer will come back and it will kill you. Is that what you want?"

"No I don't but I don't want them to see me like this, it must scare Stella seeing mommy sick. She hardly comes to me. I can't sleep with Norman, he says he's fine but what if he's lying to protect me."

"Hey, this is no good for you darling. Is this the shit you think about while you're sick? He'll not abandon you. He loves you."

"How do you know that? How can he love me look at me I'm practically a skeleton and I have no hair. Why he didn't sleep with Alex I have no idea."

"Why didn't he? Because he loves you that's why."

"I don't know why he does I'm nothing. I can't even say I work I haven't since before Stella was born I'm such a burden on him I've done nothing but one thing after another."

"Hey he loves you, I'm sure if you wanted to work he'd let you, you just have to tell him. He'd let you do anything you want Norman loves you that much. Ńow this can't be helping you, honey."

"I want this over I feel like I'm dying."

"Yeah, it's horrible."

"This is nothing it goes on forever I'll be throwing up for days."

"Yeah and I'm not going anywhere, babe. Between myself and Sean we'll look after you while Norman's busy. Unless Sean gets a job and then I'll stay for a while."

"Thank you. I don't mean to be all woe is me. I just hate this throwing up and feeling like shit. I'm over it."

"I know you are babe. Norman gave us a list of things that you need, while away that we're supposed to do. We're to make sure you're drinking fluids like water or Gatorade I don't know what else he wants you to drink maybe a cocktail or Sean's cum I don't know." I laughed at that. "I'm glad I make you laugh. There are protein shakes for after you stop throwing up. Are you sure he doesn't want you to drink Sean's cum because that's full of protein?"

"I'd rather Norman's though Sean's does taste nice."

"There's the little slut I know."

"I'm not. Oh shit, I'm gonna be sick." I ran to the bathroom and barely make it Lauren's holding my hair back.

"That's it get all out and I'll get some Gatorade into you and if you can hold that in we'll look at other stuff okay?"

"I hate this, I'm not this weak Lauren."

"I know that's why Norman just said you're the toughest chick he knows."

"When did he say that?"

"Instagram just now or like twenty minutes ago."

"He posted a pic of you, Melissa, and Lauren. He said 'my three fave badasses esp middle one I'm so proud of you only 3 more to go.'"

"Ah, he's beautiful."

"See he loves you and that's pretty much the first time he's mentioned you and the chemotherapy babe."

"The thing is I know he does I know he'll never leave me, but there's always doubt, how can someone so beautiful be with someone like me?

"Because he loves you, that's why. I bet he tells you all the time."

"But why look at me there's nothing to me, without this wig I'm bald as a baby and we can hardly have sex."

"Babe we're talking in circles you need to stop this it's no good for you to harp on about this. These things aren't important you'll gain the weight back when you stop the chemotherapy and that'll also make your hair grow and probably make you want to have sex again. So think of the positives babe. Do you say this to Norman? Do you tell him how you feel?"

"No I can't I can't burden him, he doesn't need to know how I feel, how scared I am of losing him."

"Well, then you need to stop this pity party. Because it'll drive him away and is that what you want? Because I wouldn't blame him. Why'd he want to be with someone who doesn't trust him, he loves you. I've never seen him like this when he's with you the man worships the ground you walk on and this is how you repay his love? By having no faith in him."

"I do I just don't understand how he could be with me I've never understood it."

"Why not he loves you. He loves you because you don't see him as Norman the actor or as Daryl Dixon you just see him as Norman Reedus a guy who loves you."

"I know he does and I love him, I'm scared that one day his going to leave me because all this is too much. I'm too much."

"Babe he's big enough to look after you. He's strong enough to look after you. He's never going to leave that's a certainty, he loves you so much. Now come on babe let's get you out of here."

"Okay. So with you and Sean here I'm going to get my ass handed to me because you know how to kick my butt. God, I'm a horrible person Lauren.

"No, you're not. You're having a bad time."

"I never ask is Norman okay? What kind of wife am I? Do I care about him?"

"Yeah, babe you do. I can't imagine what you're going through and I hope I never have to Ella. You need to talk to him and do it when he comes home if you're up for it." She helps me onto the bed.

"Now I'm going to get everything you need, but what you need is rest babe, so rest let us look after you until Norman gets back." She walks out of the room.

Laurenpov

Damn that girl is messed up. I might get Sean to talk to her he's good that talking people down and building them up.

"So babe what's been going on in there?"

"Hell, that's what babe. She's very negative, wants it over, and doesn't understand why Norman's still with her."

"So it sounds like Flanery has his work cut out for him? Huh?"

"Yes, daddy. But she needs to talk to Norman."

"Yeah, I think they do both of them."