Misunderstood Monsters

Chapter 64: Please Kindly F*ck Off

"Coming!" Dr. Collingwood shouted as the doorbell rang. She stood up, hopped on one leg over to her crutches, nearly fell down the stairs, and pulled the door open. Behind it were Lawrence and Carson.

"Lawrence? Carson? Why are you two he-"

Lawrence grabbed her in a hug. "To see you, of course!"

"The SCPs missed you a lot, too, but they couldn't come because... you know. John wanted me to give you this." Carson handed her a sheet of slightly wrinkled paper. The handwriting was written scratchily, as if with a shaky hand, and some of the letters were backwards.

Dear Molly,

How are you feeling? I hope you're okay. Everyone's been really worried about you ever since you broke your leg. Billy and Eddie aren't even trying to cheer everyone up anymore. Sharpclaw's starting to ask why everyone is so upset. We haven't told him the truth yet, but it seems like he's starting to (partially) figure it out. We don't want him to be upset, but Charlie also doesn't want to lie to him. I really hope that you get better soon. I miss you a lot. Also, I'm really sorry about my handwriting. I'm working on it.

Your friend, John.

"John's been beating himself up over his handwriting ever since he started writing the letter. It's not as bad as he says, but you know how he is," Lawrence shrugged.

Dr. Collingwood shook her head, laughing. "He's such a teddy bear."

"Can you show us around the neighborhood?" Carson looked at the surrounding houses.

"Of course!"

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"Hi Richard! Hi Emily!" Dr. Collingwood waved at a couple with two children.

The husband waved back. "Molly! Been a long time!"

The wife looked alarmed. "God, what happened to you?"

"Fell down my stairs," Dr. Collingwood said quickly.

Richard shook his head. "Man, your horrible luck's comin's back, isn't it? By the way, have you sued Ms. Frizzle yet?"

Dr. Collingwood burst into laughter. "You still remember that?"

"Come on, Molly, why would I forget the one thing we used to try and make you feel better whenever you ended up in the hospital again?"

One of the kids - the younger one, a little boy - ran up to her and hugged her good leg. "Auntie Molly!"

The other one - a little girl - looked a little more worried. "Are you okay?"

Dr. Collingwood gave the girl a reassuring smile. "I'm okay. Don't worry about it."

The boy pointed at Lawrence and Gustav. "Who are those two?"

"This is my boyfriend Lawrence, and this is Carson. They're my coworkers."

Lawrence crouched down and awkwardly waved at the two kids. "Uh... hi?"

"Romantic stuff is gross, ew!" The little boy ran off.

"Hey, I understand, little dude. I don't like seeing them all over each other either," Carson call after him.

Lawrence and Dr. Collingwood spoke at the same time. "Carson!"

"You're new here, right?" Richard looked almost nervous as he glanced around.

"Yeah. Why you ask?" Carson looked around, trying to see what Richard was looking at.

Dr. Collingwood winced. She knew that she was probably going to have to warn them eventually.

"You see, there's a lady living here named Susan. She's... let's just say, a bit of a bully. I ran into her three days ago when I was walking through the neighborhood and she immediately started calling my face ugly. She's been doing that ever since I came here. And trust me, that's not even the worst of what she does."

Carson groaned. "We got a Karen on our hands."

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"Ahem!"

Here we go again. Dr. Collingwood slowly turned around. There was Susan, in all her Karen glory, with her husband and four kids.

"Who are those people?" Susan jabbed a finger at Lawrence.

"He's Lawrence, my boyfriend. And that's Carson."

Susan huffed. "Makes sense why he's dating you, he's just as ugly as you are. Probably couldn't score a better-looking woman."

Dr. Collingwood's scar flushed an angry crimson. Carson looked like he was mentally preparing himself to drag her away from Susan.

One of Susan's kids waved at Lawrence. He waved back. Susan batted her child's hand and screeched. "Pedophile!"

Lawrence opened his mouth to defend himself, but Dr. Collingwood cut in, speaking first to Susan's husband, then to Susan herself.

"Get your kids far away enough so that they can't hear me. Now, Susan, I'd like to have a word with you."

Susan's husband promptly whisked the kids away from her and she looked Susan right in the eye and said the words she'd never thought she'd say to someone other than Bloodfang.

"With all due respect - which, quite frankly, is no respect at all - please kindly f*ck off, a**hole."