Pawns | A Draco Malfoy Love Story

Moving On

Draco was still in the hospital wing three days later. Over those past days, I wasn't always allowed to go up and sit with him. Pomfrey would only let me visit for a few hours at a time. I tried my hardest to put on a smile for his sake, and it was easier when we were together. But when I had to leave his side and go back into the rest of the school, I couldn't have felt any worse.

Madam Pomfrey didn't let me up to sit with him today because she wanted him to rest by himself before she discharged him. And even though today was the last big Quidditch match, I didn't use that extra time to join the rest of the school and watch. Instead, I sat by myself in the common room and tried to get in some studying for my OWLs which I'd seriously neglected.

It was difficult to focus on my studying, especially at first, and I became horribly worried that my grades would slip. Even before Draco was injured - back when word had just gotten out about the two of us - I wasn't able to sit and concentrate for more than ten minutes at a time. But that fidgetiness evolved into a dull numbness now.

With Draco in the hospital wing and none of my friends speaking to me, there was nothing else to do but sit and bury myself in my work, even if my mind was too tired to absorb anything.

I had begun to wonder if the professors would say anything about it, but so far none said a word. Snape had stopped eyeing me suspiciously now and replaced that annoying habit with a new one where he looked concerned and worried. I couldn't figure out why. If anything, I would have assumed that he'd relish in a student's depression - it always seemed like his goal was to make everyone miserable.

I sighed and flipped my DADA notes two pages backwards, needing to re-read the passages that my eyes had scanned but my brain ignored. After a few moments I realized it was futile. I slapped the book shut and threw it back into my bag, on top of the most recent letter from my dad.

I'd opened all the things he sent me, but I hadn't written back. I planned to, of course, but especially now with all the drama, I couldn't find it in me to sit down and respond to him. I hoped he wasn't worried, and I planned on just explaining everything to him when the year finished. It would be an awkward ride home from the station, but better than having to sit and write a stupid depressing letter.

The list of people I used to speak to shrunk down to numbers that I could count on one hand. Without my closest friends and my dad, I barely had anyone to speak to in person, nor by mail.

Where Fred and George would occasionally send a letter, or enclose something for me within the mail they sent to Ginny, I received nothing now. I wasn't sure if the twins had mysteriously found out about the gossip in the way they mysteriously found out about my attack back before Christmas, or if Ginny had told them to ignore me, or just stopped giving me the things they'd sent her.

Either way, it was expected; I knew I lost her and her family after what I'd done. They were too loyal to put up with someone like me.

I was surprised, though, that Harry didn't receive any backlash from his friends over hurting Malfoy. It didn't seem to matter to them that he'd be a literal murderer right now if it weren't for Snape's rescue.

But I supposed they just didn't care. With Harry's suspicion of him still being a Death Eater, and the whole scandal with him and I, maybe they just couldn't find it in them to tell him what he did was wrong.

Or maybe Harry hadn't even meant to hurt him as bad as he did. Maybe I was just upset, trying to harp on Harry's mistake to make me feel better for my own.

I didn't know.

I rubbed my eyes in tired frustration and tossed an uncomfortable pillow across the room, hearing hit softly hit the wall in a pathetic display of drama which made me feel worse.

I looked around the empty common room. Harry wasn't at the game either, but nor was he sitting here. Instead, he was serving detention with Snape for almost killing Malfoy- he seemed to be the only one to take notice of Harry's actions.

Although Harry and I hadn't talked since that day, I knew of the detention because I'd overheard Hermione telling Ginny about it the other night.

As Harry was occupied, Ginny was taking his place as seeker in the match today. I'd have loved to watch her because she actually had a lot of talent on the pitch. I sulked at the fact that she wouldn't have wanted me there anymore, even if I was up for making a public appearance.

I occupied the next few minutes wondering how the team was doing, when right then, the portrait hole swung open and I heard the deafening sound of cheers.

The team, followed by all the other Gryffindors, were parading in, clapping each other on the back and hugging.

We'd won, clearly. But I sunk down into my seat, not wanting to be seen.

Ginny was being congratulated and she looked very proud, her cheeks as bright as her hair. She hugged everyone in her vicinity with a bright smile.

Not even a few moment later, Harry walked in, done with his detention and was surrounded by the crowd. At least 7 different people all began telling him animated stories of the game that he'd missed. But as they spoke at him, his head scanned the crowd, searching for someone.

Finally, he locked his bright green eyes with Ginny's, and in a matter of seconds they were in an embrace, kissing passionately in the middle of the room.

If it was even possible, the room grew enormously louder. People cheered and whooped. To everyone's surprise, even Ron didn't look too angry, despite how mad he'd been when his sister engaged in PDA before.

I sunk further into the chair and looked away, wiping a silent tear away with my knuckle.

I felt, more strongly than I had at any other time, the magnitude of what I'd lost.

I had had a boyfriend that loved me, and a best friend that cared for me. I had friends who watched out for me. These were people that I had known for almost five years - they were my family. We'd done everything together, from the simplest and most boring days at Hogwarts, to the most dangerous of situations. We'd been there for each other in life and death.

Now we couldn't even look at each other.

I cried again, for what felt like the thousandth time that week. No one noticed, of course, and even if they had, no one would have cared.

I had essentially thrown everything away for Draco. And for a scary second, I wasn't even sure if it was worth it. But I shook that thought away just as quickly as it had come; I loved him.

I sat silently in the roaring room and ignored everyone around me, as they did the same. It was difficult to console myself, but I somehow managed it with one simple thought: on the bright side, at least things couldn't get much worse than they were right now.