[Xingqiu x Chongyun] Lost For Words☆

I Understand

Xingqiu's head was still buried into his arms.

He didn't move or speak.
It was back silence once again.
And now I know...

that I messed everything up.

Most likely in the worst way, too.

"Xingqiu..."

"..."

"I'm sorry, Xingqiu."

He sighs as he pushes himself up, his gaze distant, far from mine, seemingly void.

"Its nothing Chongyun." He says as he begins to close the window. "Just go home Chongyun, its late."

"But Xingqiu wait." I try to stop him, just to talk a bit more, to figure things out, after I've messed up so bad.

"I dont want to talk Chongyun. Not now."

"Xingqiu please, I-" I try to speak, but Xingqiu lashes out, interrupting me.

"Chongyun please! I dont want to talk!" He throws something towards me, I catch it, holdingthe object in my hands. "I'm hurt, Chongyun! Hurt and confused! You've hurt me!"

Xingqiu's voice soon becomes shaky, and he begins to quiet down.

He looks at his hands. His palms were empty, we both look down look down to mine.
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Looking at the object Xingqiu had thrown, that was now resting in my hands...

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Was a golden, amber tassel...

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‎

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The one, I had given to him.

I look back up to Xingqiu, his gaze fixed on the charm.

"Hey, Xingqiu." I say, trying to bring back his attention.

He looks to me with his eyes wide, but fades back to an empty expression as he looks away.

"Look, Chongyun." Xingqiu speaks, his voice much quite than before, completely monotone. "I understand you want to know what happened since you dont remember, but that night was a lot for me Chongyun. I dont want to talk right now. I'm upset, confused, hurt, and I'm still dealing with it all, and seeing you right now, doesn't help. I just need space Chongyun."

"So please... leave me alone."

His words hurt and echo through my head.

But I cant say its something I dont understand. I hurt Xingqiu, consciously or not. I still did it, and that's my mistake.

"I understand." I look at my charm, which was tied to my belt, then to his, which laid within my hands.

"I messed up, I understand that. I hurt you Xingqiu, and I'm sorry." I apologize to him, grabbing hold of the two objects, which resembled so much of our friendship... which now seemed to be fading.

"Hey, Xingqiu!" We both here a muffled voice at the door.

Xingqiu gets up walking over to his door, not wanting to be seen I move away from the windows view.

"Xingqiu are you okay?" The person asks, as I hear Xingqiu open the door.

It was Bennett.

"We heard you being loud, you were shouting? Are you okay?"

Razor too.

"Oh, I guess I was a bit loud." I hear Xingqiu say, letting out a rather forced sounding laugh. "I've just gotten into a new book, and I suppose I ended up a little to invested, my apologies."

I listen to the three of them talk as I continue to stay hidden and sit alone.

'Is it even worth asking Xingqiu anymore?' I think to myself as I look at Xingqiu's amber tassel within my hands.

'Xingqiu said he needs space, so instead of what was planned before, I could be the time when we talk. Even whatever happens after... is unsure, from this entire mess ive caused.'

"Chongyun." I hear Xingqiu's voice. "It's late, go home. We both need rest."

I look into Xingqiu's room, both Bennett and Razor are gone.

"They're my friends Chongyun. Friends I care for, that's all."

"Huh?" I look up to him, his gazed fixed on the door to his room.

"Something you said last time, that's all." He responds

"Ah, I see."

I take a deep breath putting together my words a begin to ask Xingqiu.

"I won't bother you since you said you need space Xingqiu, but during the Lantern Rite, I had a place I wanted to spend the Lantern Rite together. Um..." I begin to lose track of my words and struggle to speak. "If you want to talk then, you can see me there. If you dont, I understand. It's only two days from now and that might be too short for you, so if you decide not to... I hope you enjoy the Lantern Rite."

Xingqiu remains silent as I give him a smile and tell him about the location.

"Bye Xingqiu." I quietly jump down from the platform, making my way back to Liyue's streets and head home.

With his tassel still in my possession, I hold it tight.

I at least hope, that we will be alright.

Even if, we just remain friends.

Because after this mess, that doesn't even seem to be near.