Learning to cope

Chapter 32

Derek's POV:

*17 days*

I've been stuck up here in the psych ward for three days and nothing has gotten better, the only way they have gotten me sleeping is through sedative which I suppose is working but I want to be able to fall asleep on my own terms and not have flashbacks and nightmares of the attacks. I've been barely eating and now they are talking about inserting a feeding tube which I don't think is necessary and to top it all off, I can't even see Mer and the kids what kind of joke is it this!

"Mr. Shepherd?"

Oh great, it's time for my visit to the shrink.

"Yes?"

"I've been sent down to make sure you get to your appointment, shall we go?"

"I suppose so."

Meredith's POV:

It's been extremely hard without Derek by my side, but I know it's for the best but I just wish this never happened and we could be here with the kids together. Ever since the accident, Derek has changed, he is more angry and short with everyone except for me. I want to believe that it's just because of his PTSD or the trauma he has gone through but as much as those thoughts fill my head I can't help the what ifs following close behind. 

It's getting harder and harder knowing he is up there, not sleeping or eating and in pain from the broken bones, and having to constantly relive the attack and there is nothing I can do besides work and look after the kids.

"Mer? There's an incoming trauma that they need you for, are you alright to handle it or should we page Bailey?"

"Alex I 'm alright, let's go."

//

"Kelsie Adams, 20 years old, car accident, unconscious at the scene head and abdomen trauma."

"Okay Trauma one, someone books me a head CT,  and a chest CT. for any unknown injuries and get me a portable ultrasound"

"Right on it doctor Grey,"

Derek's POV:

"So Derek, since we last spoke how have you been?"

What type of question is that?

"Nothing has changed still can't sleep or eat, every time I close my eyes I relive the attack. I just want to go home to Meredith, when can I go back to her she is going to be worrying like crazy, and I don't want her to get any more stressed than she already is."

"Derek, you've been here for three days, you need to be here for a minimum of 7 days so we can get a clear idea of what we are dealing with. And we have gotten to a good start with you admitting that you have sleeping and eating problems, as well as flashbacks. Now don't worry about Meredith we need to focus on you and focus on what will help you."

"But- she's looking after all the kids, and working plus coming up to see me, if I'm not looking out for her, who will?"

"Derek, at this moment in time it is not your responsibility to wonder who is looking out for her, she is a grown woman, and from the sessions, I've had with Meredith she is very independent and headstrong, so now we need to focus on you. So let's start from where we left off, what are in your flashbacks?"

"Well normally, it's me walking back to the car from the bar to my car, it then goes from the car to the kicking in the street and them laughing. It's as if I can feel all the punches and kicks again, I feel the pain it feels real, everything in the dream feels real."