Infatuated with a God

Chapter Seventy-Two

The plan ended up being slightly complicated, but it was the best way we could figure out how to make everyone happy. Loki would bring the memories forward to me, forcing us both to experience them, and then would project them to the room as he did to show one of his birthdays to me once. A bit convoluted but that way Steve would get every shred of information without us having to go through it again and again. Once Loki was on board, and it took a lot of arguing for him to agree, it wasn't hard to convince the others. Tony, Nat and Steve were the only ones in the training room to watch, other's didn't need to know. Wanda did insist on going, but I managed to convince Vision it would be best if she didn't view everything I went through in Hydra. I didn't know what type of memories could have been dragged up during this process, and she didn't need to relive her own trauma just because I was. It was late in the afternoon when Loki and I made our way to the training room which was surprisingly empty. To past the time I made my way to the treadmill for some light cardio. An uncomfortable silence stayed in the air for a long time as we both did our own thing. As I jogged Loki took care of his many blades he kept stored away, and we both ignored the limbo state we found ourselves in. I'd spend two weeks pushing him away and ignoring him following our argument in D.C. only for us to spend the past 24 hours in each other's company.

I had woken up still using him as a pillow, him stroking my hair idly until he realised I was waking. To say it had been awkward was an understatement. This gave us a topic to distract ourselves with, but I knew we were due a long conversation soon. And I was dreading it. The reality was I missed him deeply. It wasn't anything to do with sex either, which made it a bitter pill to swallow. I realised how much I enjoyed his company and how safe I felt around him. Hell last night was the best night sleep I'd had in a fortnight, and I'd fallen asleep on a sofa.

"Kaya..." He started, stepping towards me as I finished my light workout. At that precise moment the doors swung open, and Steve walked through followed by Tony and Nat. Immediately, he stepped back against the wall and vanished his collection of weapons. There wasn't much time given to mess around, Nat and Tony getting to work to clear more of an area to give us room instantly. As they did, Steve brought me a picture they had obtained of the Winter Soldier. It didn't strike me as similar until my eyes were drawn to the silver metal arm with the red star imprinted on it. That I vaguely recalled from my dream last night. Regardless, I felt drawn to him. The way his brown hair fell down across his jaw, which was covered in stubble. The tiredness that showed through his blue eyes even in a photograph. Maybe I was just attracted to broken men. I took the photo with me to the middle of the room so I could focus on his face, hoping Loki would find it easier to get the right memories.

"Steve..." I looked up at the tired blonde timidly just before we began. "I will try but I can't promise that I even really know him." He nodded and flashed me a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"I know, kid. Just do your best, okay?" It was gentle, the tone I'd become accustomed to from Steve. But his hands were clenched so tightly his knuckles were completely white, and he stood too stiff. Loki stepped up to me, his green seiðr flowing openly around his fingers. I took a deep breath, scared about what could be brought up.

"If you don't find him, please don't pry." I whispered. "I'm not ready to face my past, yet alone know that you've seen it too." He sighed deeply, his eyes squinting slightly as his head tilted.

"I won't, elskan. You have my word." I swallowed my nerves before closing my eyes and nodding. Then I felt Loki back away from me before talking to Tony, Steve and Nat.

"We will do this one memory at a time, giving her time to recover in-between memories. Also unless she specifically consents, I will not display the memory. If it gets too much or too painful for her I will stop, regardless of how angry you get." I had opened my eyes as he talked, taking in the responses of the others. Nat glanced at me with a slightly raised eyebrow, Tony crossed his arms and muttered something under his breath, and Steve nodded firmly but looked thoroughly pissed off. Must have been weird for them for Loki to have the moral high ground. He turned to step back to me, and I allowed my eyes to drift close again. Focussing on the picture, specifically his metal arm. Then Loki's palm landed against my forehead, and I was forced back into a memory.