Infatuated with a God

Chapter Eighty

Eventually her mood brightened up and we enjoyed another pleasant evening together. She fell asleep by my side once more, and I found myself surprised that I still felt delighted when she did. There was something so trusting about falling asleep beside someone that made my heart warm when she did it. I found her doing that often. Little moments together would make me want to stay by her side forever, to have so many more with her. Reality was often disappointing. It had been a day now since I was informed I could return home, and I had no idea what to do. Everyone else had just assumed I would be leaving, which didn't help, and I had to reassure myself that she at least didn't do it out of malice. It didn't help that we never truly talked since D.C., situations just got in the way and brought us back together. It didn't help that I was still unsure about her health. She didn't seem to be doing well again, especially since she forced herself to the cells. Kaya would often exclude herself, choosing to deal with problems on her own even if that wasn't the best choice. Still, she thrived better when she relied on and confided in others. It was entirely frustrating to watch her refuse help in the cells, choosing to just wait it out. I watched over her the entire time, keeping an invisible illusion in the cells whilst I had to put up with Thor babysitting me. Despite my anger at her, I still wanted to make sure she was safe. It used to be easy to push people out when I was mad, but even at my most furious I kept coming back to her.

Part of me was glad she insisted on talking in my room, and I wished I had just let her straight away. If I hadn't let my anger get the best of me I could imagine we would be on better terms now, instead of us both actively ignoring everything. But I had to push her, to try to get her to leave. Old habits really do die hard. Then the news that I was to leave for Asgard came and we never found a chance to talk after. I wanted to talk about it several times before, but her response to it didn't help. She just walked away, after insisting just before that she would stay. Yet she didn't seem sad, not in the same way I was about having to leave her. When I approached her that night I shouldn't have tried to find comfort in her physically. She had looked like she needed it to, her eyes had reddened, and I had told myself it was because of me. What infuriated me now was just how gleeful she seemed to be about it to Thor. Happily planning the training schedule out as if she didn't care. Then to be visibly upset for the first time just because Thor was leaving too. I clenched my fists as I remembered the hurt expression on her face. It was driving me insane. So instead I came up with a plan to talk about everything. I'd stayed up so late that night that I almost forgot to leave in the morning, only just managing to slip out of her room before she stirred.

It was a stupid line to draw really, but one I felt better off for drawing. Waking up with her just seemed like a step too far. This way she could draw her own conclusions about where exactly I slept at night. I didn't need to hand her the answer. I'd already gotten far too close to her, allowing myself too much leniency. It was painful waiting for her to get up and ready, so much so that I allowed myself into her room before she'd finished her shower. While I considered joining, I kept that boundary in place too. No more sex until after we were done talking, I couldn't allow myself to put this off in that way. I found too much comfort in her body and was using it as a distraction. To make sure I kept this in place I didn't turn around as she walked out of the shower. Not as she made a little squeal of surprise and spluttered out a good morning. I didn't turn as I heard her rustling around in her drawers, and only peaked slightly as she got dressed. Of course she caught me at the end, but I just smiled at her as she blushed. One peak wasn't the end of the world, and I continued to sit on the sofa, ignoring the newfound tightness of my trousers.

"Come sit with me." I asked. Without hesitation she joined my side. She did pause next to me, not leaning into me. Her hair had darkened slightly from the water, and it dripped onto her shoulders dampening her top. I rolled my eyes before using my seiðr to dry her hair.