Infatuated with a God

Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-One

Loki

How can you keep the person you love safe if they are so adamantly doing everything they can to put themselves in danger? I've spent every second since she left Asgard agonising over the solution to such a question. Every time I thought it through there was only one answer I came to: I should have dragged her back to Asgard the moment she left. Consequences be damned. The moment I tried to work with her I'd unknowingly cemented the path forward. For once I allowed myself to consider what I could have done differently. Ultimately, I believed that if I had done something differently on Asgard, if I had just dropped the bullshit and asked her to marry me without hesitation then maybe it would be different. Our courting ceremony would have begun and perhaps it would have been enough to keep her from coming back to Midgard. Maybe she would have stayed with me. Not that it mattered anymore. Obsessing over what could have been wouldn't change what was currently happening. Neither would it help me figure out a path forward which kept her safe. Her drunken thoughts broke through her faltering shield last night and revealed her plan to keep her safe, and now I knew I couldn't risk taking her back to Asgard. Though I hoped she wouldn't go so far, the threat of it was enough to stop me for now. It only left me with one choice. I had to hope I could keep her protected on Midgard, despite the danger around her, although I desperately held on to the belief that something could cause her to listen to reason and come back of her own accord. But for now, at least, it felt like all of the options had been closed off to us, as if we were both held hostage by the chains of the fates who dragged us down their path.

As I ruminated over the past, and desperately tried to think of a way forward, I watched as she slept. She'd curled up on the sofa with nothing but her green blanket keeping her warm and yet she still seemed peaceful. It wasn't often I saw her without any stress especially given the circumstances around her, and now with no one to keep her safe I doubted I'd see her peaceful any time soon. Even as she slept, it was only free of nightmares because of my intervention, a soft flow of my seiðr keeping her in a relaxing memory to avoid foresight robbing her of rest. A year ago I'd been somewhat peaceful. I'd taken the throne of Asgard and proved myself worthy of its rule, at least to myself. Now I had someone to care for and something to lose and nothing was more dangerous then such a notion. It had been so long since I felt so helpless. Knowing there was nothing I could do to alter her path despite so clearly seeing the danger that lurked ahead. Before I'd at least obtained the illusion that I was in charge of my destiny even if that notion led me to make such poor choices in my past. Now it was her will alone that held me captive. Her incessant need to look out for others at her own detriment keeping us both suffering. I worried that regardless of how desperately I tried to prove to her that this could only end badly, she would stick to such a destiny, her twisted ideology fating her to such an end. One in which she would be forced back into the clutches of Hydra, or worse end up dead.

And yet I still clutched to her, determined I could still save her despite her nightmares becoming littered with hundreds of prophetic dreams of her dying mostly alone and in the dark. I clung to the small branches of the future scattered throughout those moments, tiny fading pathways where she stayed alive. I realised I'd bound myself to her side now, and that for as long as I could I would keep fighting for her life even if she wouldn't. If I am unable to dissuade her, then at the very least I wouldn't leave her to such a fate alone. A harrowing realisation came to me just as the sun began to rise, reflecting beautiful rays of orange and yellow light across her sleeping frame. Just as she would sacrifice herself out of some false belief that she is protecting someone, I too would willingly put myself in harm's way to protect her. Even knowing that so many of her visions also included my death, I'd happily risk such an outcome if it meant that I save her. Since when had I allowed myself to feel so intensely about someone that I'd be willing to risk my life for them? It was new to me, and the thought alone was terrifying, and yet I knew in my heart that if it came down to it I wouldn't hesitate. Is this how my brother felt for so long? Thor's willingness to lay down his life for the sake of others, for the sake of Midgard, had been the thing I considered his worst trait. Was it also what drove the Avengers actions in 2012? Their recklessness is partly the reason why I considered conquering Midgard such an easy feat a few years ago.