Infatuated with a God

Chapter Eighty-Two

When I awoke it had all seemed like a bad dream. I was led on my sofa, dressed in pyjama shorts and a vest top with no pain in my body anywhere. It was easier to draw the conclusion that perhaps I fell asleep reading. It had been a while since I had a nightmare so in that moment before I truly woke up I allowed myself to feel that relief. I held on to it so tightly, and it enabled me to force myself to wake. Then my eyes adjusted to the light of the room. I noticed several people sitting around me. Loki was by my side on the floor, the cuff missing from his wrist and looking healthier for it. Despite how humid it felt he was clearly allowing himself to cool down as much as he needed. Tony stood by my kitchenette and Steve was in an armchair near me. Finally, Thor was sat on the arm of the sofa towards my feet. I groaned as I sat up, Loki instantly rushing to help me.

"I'm guessing it wasn't a dream then?" I muttered as I sat up, alerting everyone beside Loki that I was awake. Before I could even think about being thirsty, Loki conjured a glass and forced it in front of my face. I knew better to argue with him, dreading what he had to go through. The last thing I remembered was Thor panicked about Loki, so he clearly was in a bad shape anyway. The last thing he would have needed was me fainting covered in blood.

I whispered a croaky thank you before taking several large gulps. With a sigh, I checked my wrist and realised I had been out for just over five hours.

"You are lucky we didn't take you out, kid. Especially with the incident two weeks ago. I can't believe the guards downstairs let you just walk by with a gun and covered in blood." Tony had attempted to put humour in his voice when he started talking, but it quickly faded. I made a mental note to book Tony some kind of spa day. Life didn't ever seem to give him a break, he didn't need to deal with all of this as well. Not that anyone needed to. Really I should have known better than to risk going out alone. I allowed myself to use the excuse of urgency but I could have sent literally anyone on the compound to go get ice cream.

"Stop that." Loki snapped at me. "This is not your fault, you aren't a burden because of it." I rolled my eyes as I raised my shields up. I wasn't in the mood to confront my self-deprecation right now. Plus I wasn't entirely wrong, I gave Tony far more grief then he deserved. Wanting to avoid that topic, and needing to know how bad the damage I caused was, I turned to face Steve.

"What's the damage?" I asked. Steve sighed and stood up, crossing his arms across his chest as he talked. Before he had even spoken I knew I wouldn't get an answer, the raised eyebrow and tone of his voice when he said my name just annoyed me further.

"Kaya you should focus on healing, I know this couldn't have been easy on you."

I didn't give a shit what was easy on me anymore. I had magic. I was an Avenger. If I didn't want someone to die that should have been it. No matter what he did, he deserved to face justice in court. For his victims that wanted to come forward to get solace from a trial. We weren't meant to be like them. He didn't need to die by my hand.

"Did the other two live at least?"

"Why do you care about them? They deserve to rot in Helheim." Loki immediately spat out. He didn't get it, likely never would. I wasn't sure I truly understood why I felt this way. I guess there really is such a difference between knowing I've killed people before and directly killing them of my own accord.

"Because I don't particularly want more blood on my hands tonight." I snapped back at him, trying to ignore the small flinch on his face and the frown that followed. I sighed, bringing my hand up to my left temple to put pressure down. It helped relieve the anger slightly, but not nearly enough. They deserved death, but not without justice. They also shouldn't die by my hand. When I noticed I was just causing pain in the side of my head, I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose in exhaustion. When I did I saw the face of the man, a bullet hole in the centre of his head. This night was going to drag out longer than I wanted it to and there was already a small voice in my head calling me to the dagger under the pillow. Without meaning to, I glanced towards my bed slightly before forcing myself to turn away.