Infatuated with a God

Chapter One-Hundred and Seventeen

Kaya

When Thor caught me trying to sneak out of the palace via horseback, I didn't expect to be sitting in a pub an hour later wearing a maid outfit. But then, I never tend to expect the things that happen to me, like falling in love with a God and visiting another planet. Sometimes things just don't go as you expected. Still, even after he'd pried me away from Svaðilfari, helped me disguise myself and bought over the thing he insisted was closest to a Midgardian drink, I was still clueless and without answers. Not that I minded. At least I'd made it out of the cold and dark room that haunted me nearly every evening I'd spent here. And seeing a part of Thor's and Loki's history was precious to me. On the way here he had explained that the owners knew of the brothers well, and whilst they'd once thought they found a place to escape the palace they since realised they were watched over even here. Loki found it insulting, but Thor had been grateful and never ditched his favourite drinking spot. It was endearing to hear of good memories between the two of them, even more to see their initials carved into the wood of the table I sat at. When Thor had pulled his cloak up and gone to order drinks, I ran my thumb over the letters and imagined Loki carving them into the wood. For the first time since I'd left Odin's treasure room I found myself smiling.

It didn't last long.

"I need to ask you some questions." And here I was thinking that I would be the one asking. I couldn't stop the eyeroll, or the annoyed tone I ended up taking.

"Thor, you said you would help me."

"I want some answers first. Very simple ones and they won't take much time. If I am to potentially break a blood oath, I at least need some justification." I had no idea what a blood oath was, never hearing of one before, but it wasn't that hard to guess. Or assume who it had been taken with. Loki really had gone out of his way to make sure no one helped me figure out what was wrong. First draining all of his seiðr constantly, leaving himself vulnerable, and then making blood oaths.

"Okay." I sighed, eyes firmly on the pale letters etched on the side of the dark brown table.

"Why were you leaving the palace? Was it just because Loki didn't keep his word?"

"Simple questions aren't usually that loaded, Thor." I muttered as I rested my forehead against my palm. I wished it was a simple answer. That Loki had been the only reason I tried to leave. The truth was that after my conversation with their father I needed to get away, to be distracted. I'd hoped Loki could provide me with such a distraction, to give me answers to the hundreds of questions plaguing my mind. But instead he provided me with more isolation and frustration. I'd also hoped that he would be the one to turn up to stop me, not that I was ever going to admit that.

"No. It wasn't just him. However, I won't tell you the real reason why, and you can't ask further about it. Neither do I want Loki to know there was a deeper reason, though if you are sworn to tell him then I will understand." I didn't want to think about the conversation I had with Odin, though it was the only thing truly on my mind. The feeling of the Tesseract calling me, pulling me in further and further, still made the hairs across my body stand on edge. Worse than that, the deep feeling of betrayal haunted me. I thought I would be free here, away from the selfishness of others who ultimately just wished to use me to push their agendas. To know that the Allfather had the same motives, that killed me most of all. Though it served one goal. I was no longer as enraged at Loki. At least I knew his actions were fuelled by his own insecurities and hurt. He didn't intentionally hurt me or use me.

"I thought you would have been excited to have passed the test. I'd hoped that this would have at least provided some comfort and happiness in an otherwise painful situation."

"So did I." I avoided eye contact with him. Too fearful that he'd see just how much hurt was behind them. Or see how quickly they became blurred with tears I refused to cry. The truth was that I hadn't earned my place. Not really. Regardless of what I said in that meeting, or how hard I worked, I suspected I would never have been denied the role. I didn't want that. I wanted to say that I finally earned my place somewhere. That it wasn't as a result of some genetic scanning, or experiments conducted on me as a child, but through my own determination and grit. I wanted to prove that I could have a purpose, a reason to be useful that didn't involve the power that flowed throughout my body.