Ghost from the past (18+)

#Thirty-two: In which she crumbles to her knees as history repeats itself.

As soon as I leave the set, I walk over to the bathroom splashing some cold water into my face. Ever since I woke up this morning I've had this strange uneasy feeling as if something bad was about to happen. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Maybe it's just that pasta I had for dinner yesterday? I told Delphine it tasted a bit funny. I try to reassure myself as I walk back to the dressing room, the station prepared for me.

Delphine sits on a chair at the side, clicking her stiletto heel against the floor while busying herself with her phone. When she finally notices me her head dashes up and she rasps.

'There you are, darling. Dave called me and asked if we wanted to come to his benefit gala tomorrow, what do you think? We can easily make it there, it's only a four-hour flight. If we get going now there'll be enough time to get you a proper dress. It'll be great publici~'

'No.'

I say, cutting her words short as the pit in my stomach churns once more, almost making me feel sick.

'I don't feel too well... I'm not sure if it's just exhaustion or if I've caught something, but I need a break.'

Delphine sighs reluctantly, nodding at the same time as she mutters.

'I guess we could do that. You deserve some respite by now, we may have gone a bit overboard lately.'

'You think?'

I groan sitting down in my chair. I just wanna go home, have a nice long bath and have a good night's sleep in my own bed. I sigh as I drag my hair together wrapping it in a messy bun and throwing my uncomfortable heels to the side, in search of my sneakers.

'You absolutely sure, hon?'

She asks, a part of her clearly disappointed but I nod my head. She has been dragging me all over the place for weeks now, I deserve some time off for myself I reckon. My mind drifts back to Matty as I start gathering the stuff sprawled out in front of me on the table. We hadn't spoken more than three words ever since we saw each other backstage. And if I was perfectly honest with myself? I miss him so much that it scares me. Right now I crave hearing his voice more than anything else... I'm terrified to throw it all out in the open, but at the same time, I feel this exceeding urge to see him. The bad feeling lurking in my stomach only enhances that feeling even more. I just need to see him... I sigh, searching for my phone so I can send Rebekah a quick text.

In the meantime, Delphine orders some personnel to get our stuff from the hotel while preparing for our flight back. No matter what my manager does, it has to happen well and at a swift pace. This wasn't an exception and within the hour we are both sitting in the jet ready for take-off. The flight home would only take about two and a half hours so I'd be home before dinner.

'You really aren't feeling well, are you? You look a bit pale, hon.'

Delphine says as we buckle in while the engine starts to rumble. I nod agreeing, praying to God I wouldn't have to throw up as soon as the plane takes off into the air. It's only three more hours and you'll be home, Lex. Stop being such a worrywart! I curse to myself still not able to put my finger on why I'm feeling so disturbed. Trying to pull my mind off things I pull out my phone and pop in my earpieces, searching through my list until I find the song I recorded a couple of days ago. I'd written it, especially for Matt after everything that happened. Planning to give it to him. I didn't write it for an album or my fans, Ryan and I made sure Delphine knew nothing about it. It's just for him and I want only for him to hear it. Hoping that it'll make clear how heartbroken I feel after everything that has happened, in another way than just asking for forgiveness. My redemption song so to speak... Not that I don't want to talk to him. I know I need to say the words aloud as well. This was just a little nudge in the right direction.