This Is Me

Something Stupid (Part Two)

Something Stupid (Part Two)

"This whole thing has made me start thinking of something stupid," I said aloud, spinning around in my computer chair.

It was early Sunday morning, only two nights after my unfortunate afternoon with Leroy, when things had taken a colossally crappy turn.

Thankfully, Blair hadn't brought the afternoon up over the weekend, even though I could see her itching to talk about it.

I did, however, receive a few texts from Andy, though, none of them gave me the slightest idea or any slither of information on Leroy and how he was doing. The main phrase I kept having to read over and over again was, 'don't worry.'

That was easy for him to say. How the fuck was I supposed to not worry? That was like asking a rabbit to not be a rabbit.

Leroy hadn't even tried to get in contact with me. No calls, no messages. My fears of them knowing I was gay were slowly being confirmed, and Leroy's unnerving quietness was not putting my mind at ease.

Part of me thought I should be the one to reach out to him, but I didn't want to make the situation worse, and knowing me, I would.

Somehow though, after everything that had happened and the feelings that were growing inside me, my mind kept resting on one thing.

"I'm thinking of putting my video on the social wall."

"But everyone would see it!" Blaire stated, following an over-the-top gasp and jumping up from my bed.

Blaire wasn't wrong. If I did post the video on the school's social wall, everyone would see it. But that's what I wanted, and if everyone seeing it was the outcome I wanted, then the school's social wall was the best place to post it.

The social wall was a website that you automatically get signed up for when you got your school email. It was initially made, many years ago, so teachers could let students and parents know what was happening with assignments, field trips, formals, and everything else.

Over time, however, students started using it like any other form of social media. At first, it was just the older kids, but soon enough, everyone started using it—all the time. Now, even people who no longer went to the school still used it to keep in touch with old teachers and friends. It was like Facebook. Without the ads and privacy concerns.

Uploading my video to my profile on the social wall would be broadcasting my coming out to the entire school, including its students, its teachers, students who have left the school, and even student's parents.

Thinking it over, maybe posting the video wasn't a good idea. In fact, it sounded like a fucking horrible idea. Why was I even thinking about doing this?

Blaire, on the other hand, was at the other end of the spectrum.

"That's a great idea!" She said, beginning to pace around my room, stroking her chin as if she were stereotypically thinking.

My eyes followed her while a 'what the fuck' look was plastered on my face.

While it had been my idea, Blaire looked more confident in it than I did. I didn't even know why I suggested it.

Maybe it was because I was tired of being so careful with everything I did. Or I was tired.

My mind, however, kept resting on one specific reason. Maybe if Leroy had known before, we wouldn't have ended up in the situation we did.

I understood why he was hesitant to speak with me again. He may not have a problem with me being gay—but trying to kiss him? That was a problem. A big fucking problem, and it should never have happened.